Jayden

i've been trying to write a blog post since friday...

...but i have discovered that it is extremely difficult to write when your heart is breaking.

my 4-year old nephew Jayden is sick.

friday, after he woke up unable to walk, the doctors at the calgary children's hospital found that he has tumors—most notably two on his spine.

after efforts to try to shrink them, unless the little guy moves his legs soon, they will be doing surgery to remove some of the bone in his spine at 9:00 pm eastern time tonight.

being so far away really sucks. every bit of news that makes it here is bad, so right now we NEED some good news. Jayden needs something to go right, to be good.

who am i kidding? we all do.

desperately.

please pray...

Advent

fifteen years ago this morning my Gram called up the stairs to ask if i wanted to look at the papers. ten minutes later my Grampa yelled up to me to let the paramedics in. in those short ten minutes, Gram—best friend, staunchest supporter, my own personal prayer warrior—left this life for the next.

suddenly, for the first time in my life, eternity never seemed so far away.

and i was left here, waiting, to see her again.

recently, others joined her. in the past 15 months, Grampa, Uncle Sylvio, and only last month Uncle Jerry, have all left gaping holes in the horizon of our family.

as the first week of this Advent season heads into the second, i've been reflecting on the theme of the season: waiting.

we are always waiting for something.

        for an appointment.
        a bus.
        our turn.
        a visit from a faraway friend.
        a dream to come true.
        to be healed.

yes, always waiting for something.

we do our best, however, to convince ourselves that we're not waiting. we are so very clever at diverting ourselves, focusing our attention on the things that we can make happen, filling the holes in our lives with all the things we can, convincing ourselves that in spite of what we don't have, we are still, somehow, complete.

and then, there is Advent.

these days celebrating the fact that in reality we don't have what we need to complete ourselves. that on our own, we are incomplete. that the baby in the manger wasn't only suppose to fulfill prophecy, but was also meant to fill our hearts. round us out, to be the people we are always destined to be.

and Advent also reminds us that while we are on this side of eternity, we will always be waiting—waiting see our Savior face to face, waiting to see ourselves fully in God's eyes, and yes, waiting to see those who have gone on before us.

so, this morning i miss my Gram, and so many others. but as i wait to see them again, i will embrace the waiting, letting it remind me that i am not yet complete, that i need this baby Savior, and that while i am alive, there is still so much for me to do while i wait.

and so i wait...

december

best...

this is the best TV cliffhanger finale episode ever.

seriously.



it gets me every time...

wonder

i was sorting through the memories and memorabilia from my recent trip to New York City the other day, and came across my NYC Metro Card, where i found this quote on the back:

"Within five miles of where you live, there are enough strange things to keep you wondering all your life. Probably in your dooryard may be found enough to employ the intellect of a strong man; one of the great discoveries in science was made by a man cultivating the ordinary garden pea." —E. W. Howe

may you find and enjoy all the wonder hidden within your world.

favorite things...

i used to do a lot more crafty kinds of things at home, especially back in the days when i worked in a credit union. it makes sense that creative energy needs to find a way to express itself, and that certainly wasn't happening when dealing with money, so i spent much free time sewing, cross-stitching, etc.

then i started working as a graphic designer, and everything changed.

being creative every day meant that when i came home at night, the last thing on earth i wanted to do was attempt to be creative yet again. my poor sewing machine can attest to that. it's been years since i have done more than dust him off.

but lately, my job has required a bit less of the creative, design work, and more communications, web work, leaving me with more creative energy when i get home than previous years.

so i've started making felt ornaments, and having way too much fun doing so!

this little bird i made last night, he is way too cute, and i think that he needs to have some similar, although differently colored friends really soon.

this goldfish may be my most favorite of all i've created. he was definitely time-consuming, with all his scales, but gosh, he turned out cute!

everything but this gingerbread man was made from patterns from a book called Fa La La La Felt, which i recently picked up. but this guy i drew and designed on my own.

and finally, these little partridges were the first ornaments i attempted, and i still think they are delightful.

it's actually relaxing, making them as i watch television at night... although my living room looks a bit like a kindergarten craft table.

it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make.

positive

it is way too easy to focus on the negative things these days... at least it is for me. perhaps because the negative is easier to find, you really don't have to look for it. while the positive, the good, requires a bit of effort.

today i am choosing to look at the positive, and to celebrate, here are six things i am overwhelmingly grateful for, in no particular order...

1. my job. yesterday at our staff meeting, they celebrated staff who have worked at PORTICO for five years or more. given that i am getting ready to celebrate my 11th anniversary of working here, i got some love. it's been a great decade, and i love my job as much as ever.
2. my friend, Angela. i don't know anyone else on earth who would drive four hours just because i had a crazy idea that i wanted to go to the St. Lawrence Market with her. everyone needs a friend who would drive four hours just to satisfy one of their whims.
3. coffee. enough said.
4. family. it's been eleven months since i have seen most of my family, and as December 21, the day i will get on an airplane and head west, approaches, i am filled with anticipation to see the parents, the brothers, how big the niece and nephews have gotten, and to meet my newest nephew.
5. banana nut mueslix. i don't like a lot of breakfast cereals, but this one i love. it might not seem like much to you, but for someone who has a hard time eating breakfast, finding something i actually like and enjoy is a real treat.
6. this season. i love this season. beautiful colors. falling leaves, making nature look as thought it is in a constant state of motion. putting up my Christmas tree. preparations for my upcoming party, as well as making gifts to give to people i love. i love the anticipation of seeing people you haven't seen in ages, and the laughter that ensues.

what about you? what are you grateful for today?