One Thing {#270-279}

He (the formerly blind man) answered, "Whether [Jesus] is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see." {John 9:25}

When he woke up that morning, of all the things that this man, blind from birth, thought that the day might hold, I am pretty sure that looking into the angry faces of Pharises defending the circumstances of his healing was not at all one of them.

After all, the poor man was just sitting there, minding his own business, when Jesus saw him, made some mud with his saliva, and gave him the gift of vision he had never had before.

But, as usual, where Jesus is concerned, people like to complicate things.

First there was the matter that the vision-inducing mud-making happened on the Sabbath. Then, they had to drag the man's parents in to confirm that he had indeed been blind since birth, and not just faking it. The parents are afraid, and tell the Pharisees to ask the man himself. They are afraid to say anything remotely good about Jesus, because the Pharisees only want to hear people say he is a sinner. That there is no way he could be God.

The whole situation seems to have been blown quite ridiculously out of proportion.

But for the blind man—seeing angry faces for the first time, marveling at what the sun looks like suspended in a cerulean blue sky, watching leaves on trees dance in the wind—for him, there is only one thing. All the proof he needs about who Jesus is is wrapped up in this one thing—yesterday I was blind, today I can see.

Sometimes I over-complicate not only my life, but my relationship with God. I feel that I must do this, and this, and this, and then, if I have messed up on any of them, I must get it right before God can love and accept me. But in my overcomplication, I forget the one thing that I know...

This one thing I know: God is love.

When I feel most alone and unlovable and hopeless and pathetic and useless, God still loves me. When I have messed up more than more my share, when I have failed to be who I know God wants me to be, even if everyone else justifiably turns their back on me, God's love will never fail.

I need to remember the simplicity of this.

Like the blind man, yesterday I was blind, now I see. No one else could ever have brought about such a change.

I am going to stick with Him.

* * * * *

Today I am thankful for...

270:: the One Thing of knowing that Jesus loves me.

271:: phone calls that remind me how blessed I am to have all the beautiful people I have in my life.

272:: passport photos that don't make me look like a felon this time around.

273:: finding a cookbook I really wanted for only $5.

274:: that there are only 60 days left until I leave for Paris.

275:: the leaders of my church, and how much time, effort and love they put into serving.

276:: the lemony smell of Pledge after you finish dusting.

277:: crockpots, and walking into your home at the end of a long day, and knowing dinner is ready, even especially if you live alone.

278:: coffee, beautiful coffee.

279:: the beginning of a new week to serve and glorify God.

How blessed I am...

laundromat

you're probably already aware of this, but it's friday.

friday.

the last breath before the big exhale of a long weekend.

i was awake early this morning, so i packed up laundry in my bright orange Lug, and trudged through the mud and dark spring-like morning to the laundromat.

while the Streetsville laundromat has gone downhill in terms of upkeep in the years that i've been a patron, i find it to be an excellent place to write and read. something about not being surrounded by the usual distractions of home and possessions, i believe.

but whatever the reason is, it's also easier to think here.

this morning, i'm thinking of my three words for 2011.

it has been my practice for the last few years to pick a word that i want to focus on that year. sometimes it is one of the fruit of the Spirit. sometimes something else. but this year, even though—or perhaps, because—i was later in choosing the word, this year, i have three.

i tried to choose between them. even tried choosing two of the three, but nothing but the three of them together ever sat right with me. so, for 2011, i have three words.

my three words for this year are beauty, simplicity, and grace.

i won't get into them today. partly because i am still unpacking what each of them means to my life and how it will all play out, and partly because my laundry is just about finished. but you will be hearing me talk about these three things over these months. that much i can assure you.

have a beautiful weekend.

more

as i was writing this morning, it became clear to me that writing wasn't the only thing i was doing. even as words made their way into the composition notebook, my mind was somewhere else, rehearsing all the things that had to be done before i would be ready for work. make the bed. put last night's dishes away. clean the sink in hopes that the faucet will get fixed today. make lunch.

sometimes i wonder why i cannot simply live in the moment i am in, without feeling the weight of every other moment to come, and all that will fill those moments. i cannot help but think that if i could find a better way to live in the moment, that perhaps i would want less.

all this reminds me of this Henry David Thoreau quote that has haunted my mind for years...

i went to the woods because i wanted to live deliberately,
i wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life,
to put to rout all that was not life
and not when i had come to die
discover that I had not lived.” —Henry David Thoreau

in these moments when my focus is split, i don't think it is possible to live deliberately. like the old cliche says, you can't be two places at once. perhaps in this age of multitasking, we are losing the ability to simply focus on one thing. one person. one task. whatever is right before you in that moment.

but then the little voice creeps in, why do one when you could do more?

when i design, i usually follow the less is more approach. but living that way is something i have yet to embrace. i always want more. but then, the line that i have quoted time and time again from the movie Sabrina hits me...

more isn't always better, Linus. sometimes it's just more.

i need the wisdom to know the difference.

simple

it seems to be another time of sleep eluding me. for the most part, once i am asleep, i am {unless dragged out} able to stay there. but the act of falling asleep seems like gambling... not a lot of return for the effort and desire expended.

not sleeping is generally a time to pull out my journal, and go through all that is written in there. the Moleskine that i carry with me every day has everything in it from my own writing, to Rilke's poetry to quotes to sermon notes.

this is one of the quotes in my journal...

men invent means and methods of coming at God's love, they learn rules and set up devices to remind them of that love, and it seems like a world of trouble to bring oneself into the consciousness of God's presence. yet it might be so simple. is it not quicker and easier just to do our common business wholly for the love of him? | Brother Lawrence

i am such an inventor of means and methods at coming at God's love. i know that too often i make things more difficult than they actually are, perhaps partly because of my personality, but probably mostly so that i, myself will feel more worthy.

so i can feel more worthy? what kind of craziness is that?

God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. | Romans 5:8

given the complexity that i usually create in my life, i love the simplicity that Brother Lawrence presents in these few words.

might it really be so simple?