Truth

How much easier life would be if I could learn a lesson once, and then walk away sufficiently grown and brilliant from that experience, ready for the the next one?

But then, I guess I wouldn't be human. Perhaps I could be Vulcan*, but I have a feeling that being a Vulcan, always so concerned with logic, wouldn't exactly be a party. I guess I will have to stick with humanity.

With everything that has gone on the in the last eight months with my nephew Jayden, you might think that I would be more quick to trust God, less quick to worry.

Unfortunately, if you thought that, you would have been wrong.

Last week, when I went for a pre-surgical check, before the minor surgery I am scheduled to have on my leg tomorrow, the doctor discovered that my blood pressure is high. Dangerously high were her actual words.

Not something that I was expecting.

Then there were other complications, some of which will have to be dealt with today, my last work day before I am off for the surgery.

Again, not something that I had planned.

So, what is a girl to do when all her plans seem to be preempted by intruders?

Well, this girl's first step is to worry. Then, thanks to some well-timed reminders, to pray. And then, this morning, when I pulled out my Life Journal, and let God's Word speak to my mildly turbulent soul, I was reminded that there is always Truth.

And Truth is strong.
Truth does not back down easily from a fight, because it doesn't have to.
That Truth can shine alone in the dark, because it can.
Truth cannot be bullied.
That Truth does not change with the circumstances.

And the Truth is, that God is love. And He loves me. And He wants me to be the very best version of me, the one that He created. And that doesn't include worrying about things beyond my control, but rather to trust in Him.

So today, no matter what happens, no matter what comes my way, I will stand firmly on Truth.

Standing anywhere else would be silly...


*For those of you who are not into Star Trek, this is a shameless Trekkie reference. I cannot even bring myself to be sorry for it. Live long and prosper.

You would think...

For someone who has been a follower of Jesus for as long as I have, I dwell way too much in the land of the humanly possible, the physically believable. Those things which are provable and measurable by human and earthly laws.

But for someone who believes in a God—

        who created everything from nothing

        who made a walking path through the Red Sea

        who gave a donkey the words someone needed to hear

        who arranged a ride for a wayward prophet in the belly of a whale

—you wouldn't think that I would get so hung up on the challenges of my own life.



You would think that I would trust more in a God—

        who used a little mud to cure blindness

        who walked on water

        who raised his friend Lazarus from the dead

        who raised Himself from the dead

—than in my own logic and only that which my eyes can see.


You would think...

One Thing {#270-279}

He (the formerly blind man) answered, "Whether [Jesus] is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see." {John 9:25}

When he woke up that morning, of all the things that this man, blind from birth, thought that the day might hold, I am pretty sure that looking into the angry faces of Pharises defending the circumstances of his healing was not at all one of them.

After all, the poor man was just sitting there, minding his own business, when Jesus saw him, made some mud with his saliva, and gave him the gift of vision he had never had before.

But, as usual, where Jesus is concerned, people like to complicate things.

First there was the matter that the vision-inducing mud-making happened on the Sabbath. Then, they had to drag the man's parents in to confirm that he had indeed been blind since birth, and not just faking it. The parents are afraid, and tell the Pharisees to ask the man himself. They are afraid to say anything remotely good about Jesus, because the Pharisees only want to hear people say he is a sinner. That there is no way he could be God.

The whole situation seems to have been blown quite ridiculously out of proportion.

But for the blind man—seeing angry faces for the first time, marveling at what the sun looks like suspended in a cerulean blue sky, watching leaves on trees dance in the wind—for him, there is only one thing. All the proof he needs about who Jesus is is wrapped up in this one thing—yesterday I was blind, today I can see.

Sometimes I over-complicate not only my life, but my relationship with God. I feel that I must do this, and this, and this, and then, if I have messed up on any of them, I must get it right before God can love and accept me. But in my overcomplication, I forget the one thing that I know...

This one thing I know: God is love.

When I feel most alone and unlovable and hopeless and pathetic and useless, God still loves me. When I have messed up more than more my share, when I have failed to be who I know God wants me to be, even if everyone else justifiably turns their back on me, God's love will never fail.

I need to remember the simplicity of this.

Like the blind man, yesterday I was blind, now I see. No one else could ever have brought about such a change.

I am going to stick with Him.

* * * * *

Today I am thankful for...

270:: the One Thing of knowing that Jesus loves me.

271:: phone calls that remind me how blessed I am to have all the beautiful people I have in my life.

272:: passport photos that don't make me look like a felon this time around.

273:: finding a cookbook I really wanted for only $5.

274:: that there are only 60 days left until I leave for Paris.

275:: the leaders of my church, and how much time, effort and love they put into serving.

276:: the lemony smell of Pledge after you finish dusting.

277:: crockpots, and walking into your home at the end of a long day, and knowing dinner is ready, even especially if you live alone.

278:: coffee, beautiful coffee.

279:: the beginning of a new week to serve and glorify God.

How blessed I am...

Silence & Waiting {#259-269}

For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. {Psalm 62:1}

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. {Psalm 62:5}

Waiting and silence.

To be honest, not exactly my two favorite things.

I've wrestled with waiting, and I know its importance. I understand that waiting isn't always a spectator sport, that sometimes, when you are waiting for something, the most important thing you can do is to keep living, keep learning, so that when the thing you are waiting for arrives, you are ready.

But the addition of silence to the equation changes things immensely.

Silence—the removal of noise and distractions and diversions, all the things that can help one forget that they might actually be waiting for, or lacking something—leaves just me, sitting before God, no toys to amuse me, no words to nothing to draw God's attention away from all the areas that I still don't trust, still am not obedient, still am lacking.

Waiting in silence removed the facade of words that I tend to use to attempt to justify my bad ideas and actions, or excuse my bad decisions.

Silence is a game-changer.

I am comfortable with noise. I get noise. When I am working, there is seldom time when I do not have music, or a movie, or a podcast playing in the background. As a young girl with three brothers who had an uncanny ability to make a ridiculous amount of noise, when they wanted my attention, and I wanted to read, I would curl up in front of our stereo's huge speakers, my left ear pressed against the music, a finger in my other ear, and happily read for hours.

Again, I am comfortable with noise.

But if you believe David's words above, silence needs to go hand in hand with waiting, to give us the vitally important things we need for our daily lives—things like hope and salvation. And I do believe this, it is just hard.

So, this week, I am practicing the spiritual discipline of silence. The New Living Translation of Psalm 62:5 reads, "Let all that I am wait quietly before God."

This is my goal for this week.

* * * * *

Today I am thankful for...

259:: homemade strawberry jam to share with friends.
260:: COBS cranberry custard scone and tea.

261:: baking mini jam tarts for coworkers.
262:: a quiet evening at home to attempt to get my world back to 'normal'.

263:: having the opportunity to read and review some amazing books.

264:: a walk through the Farmer's Market.

265:: getting to have one more movie night with Alicia before she heads back to Senegal.

266:: my dear friend Alicia herself, who has a beautiful hospitality of presence, you cannot help but feel comfortable and at home with her.

267:: my weekly coffee date with Laura, where we fix the world and laugh at ourselves.

268:: a holiday Monday giving me an opportunity to do all the little things that I need to before surgery later this month.

269:: for the reminder to wait in silence before my God.

A Clock of a Different Kind

But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day. The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent. {2 Peter 3:8,9}

It doesn't look like we humans have changed all that much since Peter wrote those words shortly after Jesus' death. We still want what we want, when we want it. And if we have to wait longer then we deem necessary, things begin to fall apart.

The folks Peter is writing to are waiting. Waiting for God to keep His promises. Waiting for Him to move, and to fulfill that which some of them heard from Jesus' own lips.

But nothing happens.

Well, not exactly nothing. Life still went on, but what they were waiting for didn't happen.

And while they are waiting in the nothingness, questions and doubts walked right in through the open door.

But Peter reminds them—and us—that God has a different kind of clock and calendar than we do. A different plan. He does things His way, and is not limited by human understanding, or merely what His eyes can see.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. {Isaiah 55:8,9}

It's not my job to understand and to know the full timing of God's plan in my life or in the world. My job is to trust. To be faithful. To love justice and mercy and to show them to the world. To believe that regardless what my eyes see, God is still in charge, will keep His promises, and has a plan that isn't for me to worry about.

My job is to be faithful...

How To Be Great

He {Hezekiah} trusted in the Lord God of Israel; so that after him was none like him among all the kings of Judah, nor any that were before him. {2 Kings 18:5}

In a sea of kings of Israel and Judah whose primary descriptor was, 'he did evil in the eyes of the Lord', Hezekiah stands gloriously out. Not only did he do 'right in the eyes of the Lord', but he also trusted God, and according to the verse above, that trust made him great.

I don't know about you, but when I think of great people, it's usually the blindingly intelligent, the charismatic leaders, the overwhelmingly talented, the fearless fighting for injustice, or the hugely selfless giving themselves to improve the world, that I think of.

But here we find another yardstick for greatness, and the secret to Hezekiah's success. This one thing that set him apart from his predecessors, and all who came after him was this one thing: he trusted in God.

I am subscribing to King Hezekiah's One-Step to Being The Best King Ever plan: Trust God. Keep trusting God. And when you get up tomorrow, if the world seems to be crumbling before your very eyes, keep trusting God.

After all, who doesn't want to be great?

You are what you chase...

They went after false idols and became false... {2 Kings 17:15}

There's an old saying that goes, you are what you eat. Moms tend to throw that one out there when their kids prefer Twinkies over vegetables, thinking that somehow the prospect of being broccoli would be better than being golden, spongy, cream-filled goodness. {Clearly this argument didn't get my mom very far!}

But in today's Life Journal reading, when I read the middle of verse 15 and found the words above, it hit me that it's not only the things that we put inside of us that determine who we are, but also the things that we follow.

In the NIV translation, false is translated, worthless. The NASB calls it vanity. No matter how you stack it up, it's not good.

Even after being given strict and direct instructions from God Himself to worship and follow only Him, the Israelites still went off in the other direction, worshiping golden livestock, and every other god they could find from whatever rock they could dig it up under. They always seemed to want more.

How very much like the Israelites we still are today.

Sure, our idols may not resemble cattle, but we follow them nonetheless.

        Money.
        Stuff.
        Entertainment with—at best—questionable morality.
        More stuff.
        Mindless diversions.

And these things that we follow leave us much the same as the things themselves: greedy, empty, hollow, immoral. Not a life anyone would claim to aspire to. And greatly contrasting to the life James talks about in another of today's Life Journal readings...

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. {James 3:17}

So, the question of the day is, who or what are you chasing after?

Unshakeable {#237-246}

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. —Hebrews 12:28

If there is anything I have learned in this life, it is that nothing is secure. Things shake and wobble and fall down and break.

Nothing is secure.

Sitting here, I can think of many of the ways that my world has been shaken over the years. My family's car accident back in 1977. Gram's heart attack. Work issues. Dad's stroke. Death. Mom's cancer. Most recently, my nephew Jayden's cancer.

So many things that could leave one feeling turned inside out and upside down.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken...

As crazy as life can get, how grateful my heart is that none of the things that take my breath away, take God by surprise. None of these things that so shake my world, cause even a tremor is His. He, like His kingdom, is unshakeable.

And for this, today I worship my God...

* * * * *

Today I am thankful for...

237:: God's unshakeable kingdom.

238:: air conditioning on a crazy hot day.

239:: working my way back into routine.

240:: crossing things off the to-do lists.

241:: turning the last page of a delightfully entertaining book.

242:: starting and finishing a beautifully written memoir in 24 hours!

243:: the anticipation of a weekend visit from a good friend.

244:: a beautiful day to visit Niagara-on-the-Lake with @labellaverita.

245:: conversations full of both laughter and tears.

246:: the gift of two decades of friendship.

Leaning {#215-236}

"In that day the remnant of Israel and the survivors of the house of Jacob will no more lean on him who struck them, but will lean on the Lord, the Holy one of Israel, in truth." —Isaiah 10:20

As I read this verse this morning, the thing that struck me is that the people of Israel, in the good days to come, are not standing on their own two feet. There is no expectation for them to stand, but instead to lean. To me, I would assume that their standing would be the goal. But no... it is the destiny of God's people is not to stand, but instead to lean. And not just lean, but lean on the right thing—God and His truth.

As an independent person, a single girl who lives alone, I am a big fan of standing on my own two feet. My parents did a great job of teaching me how to do just so. After all, when you are the only one, you've got to take care of everything yourself. If I don't take the garbage out—as much as I hate the task—it doesn't get taken out. For the most part, I have become pretty adept at standing on these two size-ten feet.

But again, the assumption in this verse, and in others that have come to mind as I write this, is that our natural human posture isn't so much standing, but leaning.

The question—the truly important question—is what are we leaning on?

Too often I tend to trust my own 'wisdom' as my leaning post. (Apparently I have a short memory, as my own wisdom has, at times, been about as solid as a bowl of Jell-o!) Emotions, fickle as they can be, are no where near strong enough to lean on, especially in the dark, hard days.

Far too often in my life I have chosen to lean on things never designed to bear my weight or be trusted, and I have felt the accompanying pain of stumbling, and even hitting the ground.

There is only One that I can truly lean on, who is strong enough to hold me up, even when I am at my weakest.

Oh, for the grace to lean only on my God and His truth...

* * * * *

Today I am thankful for...

215:: the glory that are to-do lists.

216:: summer roasted vegetables for dinner.

217:: having lunch with my favorite niece, Megan, on her birthday.

218:: getting to read Jayden one of my favorite Dr. Seuss stories.

219:: handing out with the parents.

220:: a clear day to see the mountains from afar.

221:: finding the good coffee at the Alberta Children's Hospital.

222:: getting to watch SYTYCD with others who love it too!

223:: a good night's sleep after a horrible one.

224:: the excitement of our summer interns at PORTICO.

225:: a day off.

226:: being so blessed as to live in a free country.

227:: Starbucks Passion Fruit Lemonade on a hot day.

228:: not needing glasses!

229:: connecting with old friends visiting from Africa.

230:: a photo wave 'hi' from the Alberta Children's Hospital all the way to Mississagua.

231:: surgery going well, a little boy home playing trains.

232:: walking to the Streetsville Farmer's market with Saundra and buying the most fragrant strawberries ever!

233:: movie night with the girls and strawberry belgian waffles.

234:: a whole weekend of good sleep.

235:: waking up early to do my Life Journal, another step to getting the routine back.

236:: a God I can fully trust to lean on.

Good Words {#191-206}

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. —Proverbs 12:25

I love how this verse perfectly explains the power that one person's well-placed words can have on a heavy heart.

I can think back to times when my own heart was heavy and anxiety-ridden, and a few simple words from a friend, or even a stranger, made what was seemingly impossible to carry a bit easier, a bit lighter.

Too often, only the negative gets expressed in our culture. There seems to be no shortage of people and words designed to correct us, chastise us, or tell us what someone else thinks we are doing wrong...

...or nothing gets said. When something positive comes to mind that I could say, too often I choose not to, thinking that the other person probably doesn't need to hear what I have to say, or will think that I am a creeper, or just weird.

But as I sit here over my bowl of Cheerios, to my recollection, no kind, heart-lightening words ever spoken to me—by friend or stranger—was ever unneeded, ever unwanted.

Not one.

And if I could use some good words in my life, then chances are, so do those around me.

"In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load." —Brian Tracy

* * * * *

I am thankful for...

191:: the end of fireworks and the beginning of sleep!

192:: the first read of what has become a new favorite book, full of love, wonder and hope.

193:: a few days of quiet and rest to regain what I had lost.

194:: having both cotton puffs and ear drop to fight off an ear infection.

195:: the fact that wisdom isn't hidden, but still must be sought after.

196:: finally booking our flight to Paris!

197:: getting a room at my very favorite hotel in the world—the only place in Paris I have ever stayed.
198:: getting to now actually plan the trip. {130 days!}

199:: D & L getting some great news about Jayden, and the fact that he doesn't need to have radiation.

200:: a raspberry white chocolate scone from Kate's Bakery.201:: two words of life: Cafe Americano.

202:: time spent with a good friend, sharing our lives.

203:: making pie crust for the first time, and the fact that it actually worked! {no more fear!}

204:: that my parents are living a dream and are going to Ireland.

205:: for a job that I love, and the excitement to get back to it this morning.

206:: for all the kind words ever spoken to me—in person, electronically, on paper—and how they lifted my heart when I needed it.

Guardians of the Soul {#158}

Confession: I set my alarm clock, got up early, and watched the royal wedding on Friday.

The way I saw it, having 'attended' Prince William's mother's wedding in the same manor 30 years ago, I felt it only right that this sparse, although long-standing tradition be continued.

The one thing that most struck me, in the deluge of information that came at the world through the lens of the media, was a photo released on Wednesday, of Kate and her sister/main of honor Pippa leaving their home, and driving to London for the big day. Photos captured them smiling, looking comfortable in each other's company, as they headed towards all that lay ahead.

When I saw those photos, I started to feel sad for the late Princess Diana. Thirty years ago, the hours preceding her wedding weren't filled with laughter with a friend. She had no equal in age as her maid of honor, just a bunch of children as bridesmaids. A friend, who is an avid royal watcher, told me that in the 24 hours before the 1981 wedding, Diana was alone at Clarence House, her last meal as a single woman was served to her on a tray by a maid. She didn't even receive a phone call from her soon-to-be groom.

You can think all you want—or don't want—about Britain's royal family, but no matter how you feel about them, I cannot imagine anyone thinking that this was a good way to begin what was supposed to be a happy, fairytale-ish, new life.

All these thoughts came the same day as Life Journal reflections about David and Jonathan's friendship. It all started with these words of David in a Psalm...

Look to the right and see:
there is no one who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
no one cares for my soul.

—Psalm 142:4

You can feel the pain in David's words. While I am not sure of the timing, either David would be missing his friend Jonathan because of Saul's madness, or Jonathan's own death. Either way, how David's heart must have ached for the friend of whom he said in 2 Samuel 1:28b (ESV), "your love to me was extraordinary". It was clear that even among all the mighty men that David was surrounded by, he did not find Jonathan's equal.

It is easy to find others with things in common. It is also easy to believe that an actual friendship can be had with someone, even if you only ever see their face on a monitor. But a friend who 'cares for your soul'? This is a much more rare and beautiful gift.

The poet Rilke wrote,

I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other. —Rainer Maria

Basically, to care for each other's soul.

I am so blessed to have friends who care for my soul. From the friendship that celebrates its 20th anniversary this year, to those the have come into my life more recently, but are no less vital. Beautiful women of God who not only care for my soul, but allow me the privilege of caring for theirs as well.

Without a doubt, I know that the night before I marry my own prince—should that day ever arrive—I will not be alone, but will be surrounded by my beautiful friends and family, caring for my soul as always.

And if one of them wants to serve me dinner on a tray, I don't think I will object too strongly!

* * * * *

Although there is only one thing on today's list, it is a big one, and should encompass many more than one...

I am grateful for...

158:: the friends, the guardians of my soul, who so enrich my life, laugh with me, hold me together when life falls apart, and make my world a much better place.

Abundance {#119-134}

I laughed this morning.

Sitting by myself at the kitchen table, doing my Life Journal, I laughed as I read God's word.

It all began years ago...

More than a few years ago, while attending the Leadership Summit, I was privileged to hear Tim Sanders speak on the topic of scarcity vs. abundance. Scarcity being believing that there is not enough to go around, while Mr. Sanders defines the law of abundance as believing that there is always enough to go around.

I've been thinking about that session of the LS lately, since I have noticed that scarcity thinking has become more and more prevalent in my life... and it is not a good thing. This crept-in belief is slowly poisoning my outlook, from knowing that with Jesus, I have all that I truly need, to thinking that in order to be good, to be happy, I need more. Something else. And this scarcity thinking has me making bad decisions, rash decisions, and not being myself.

Back to today...

It began probably ten minutes earlier. After I got up and was gathering what I would need for the morning quiet time, I was thinking on this scarcity thing, and I thought to myself, "How does a person get beyond scarcity? What do I need to do to get myself out of this?"

I left the question hanging in the air as I opened my Bible for today's readings. When I got to Psalm 34, verse 9, that is when the laughter hit.

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack! {vs. 9}

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

There, in black and white print was the answer to my question. And in case I may have doubted it, or thought it seemed a little too obscure, David, the Psalmist, went on...

The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

What man is there who desires life

and loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil

and your lips from speaking deceit.

Turn away from evil and do good;

seek peace and pursue it.

Could my question have been answered any better had I had an actual audience with my God in His throne room?

Sure, the answer isn't easy, and I know that I have some work cut out for me—as I seek hard after God, pursue peace instead of more, and rid myself of the lies that I have been believing for too long—but how amazing is it that when we ask our questions, He hears them, and loves us enough to answer them, if only we pay attention?

* * * * *

Paying attention to the gifts...

119:: a serendipitous moment resulting in an online chat with a dearly missed friend in Africa.

120:: God's love, even when I feel unlovable.

121:: heart-shaped ice cubes.

122:: Mom wanting to fly across the country to be with me for my birthday... even if it didn't work out.

123:: my birthday present from Mom & Dad arriving six days early, and the anticipation of waiting to open it.
124:: pretty party favors hanging in my kitchen.

125:: an awesome job at a church I love.

126:: anticipating a visit from a dear friend.

127:: all the friends who ate and laughed and loved at my Welcome To Spring party. {Yummy cake courtesy of Lyndsay, who rocks!}

128:: receiving the cookbook that I have wanted practically FOREVER! {thank you, Ang!}

129:: birthday gifts: all perfect, every one of them.

130:: beginning the book that two friends have raved about.

131:: laying down to sleep with the echoes of laughter still hanging in the air, remembering all the beautiful moments of the evening.

132:: the reminder to love one another.

133:: a rainy day with one of my closest friends doing all the things that we love to do, talking and laughing through it all.

134:: that sometimes, when I ask a question, God answers right away.

Simple ≠ Easy

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. —Psalm 39:7

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. —Psalm 42:11

The questions in these verses remind me of that old Johnny Carson skit where he wore a turban and held a piece of paper to his forehead with an answer on it. When the question was revealed, the answer was most always hilarious.

But while they all were similarly funny, for these questions posed by the Psalmists, Johnny would only need one card, and on it would be written, Hope in God.

What about cancer in a little body? Hope in God.

Other illness in my family? Hope in God.

Things not turning out as I'd planned? Hope in God.

The turbulence in the world? Hope in God.

Tsunamis, earthquakes, floods...? Hope in God.

Unanswered prayers and unrealized dreams? Hope in God.

It seems simple, almost formulaic, but while the answer is simple, it is far from easy—anything but easy. Standing rock solid on my hope in God, regardless of what I wait for not arriving, regardless of the turmoil going on in and around me, regardless of all the things that would serve to push me off this sometimes tiny foundation of hope, is not easy.

But whoever said that life was going to be easy? Not my mom, and certainly not Jesus... who said, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." {John 16:33}

Who better to put our hope in than the One who already faced down the world and won?

thinking of you...

From yesterday's Life Journal...

You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts towards us... As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. —Psalm 40:5, 17 ESV

Since the devastation form the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, one of the most frequently seen Twitter and Facebook status updates has been, 'my thoughts and prayers are with Japan', or something similar. Last Friday, @donmilleris, no doubt having seen many of the same updates, Tweeted, "If anything bad happens to me, I can't use your thoughts but I could use your prayers."

While initially I laughed, I believe he is wrong. What else spurs action and compassion but our thoughts?

Since December 3, some of the things that have meant the most to me, touched my soul most profoundly, have been seemingly random emails, notes and gifts, all that were precipitated by someone's thoughts for me and my family.

And while all this is good, there is something so grace-filled and perfect about God thinking of me. With the billions of people on a planet so filled with pain and injustice and tragedy, to think that my God thinks about me, even—or especially—when I am needy, is a beautiful grace.

I don't believe there has ever been another time of my life when I have needed this more. This knowledge that my God has thoughts for me, has cared for me in so very many ways, and even uses the thoughts of others to bless me, is a gift I will always cherish.

And more than cherish, it makes me want to act more on the thoughts that I have for the people in my life.

This is my prayer...

waiting

I suppose you could say i have a love/hate relationship with waiting.

Yes, there are benefits to delayed gratification, and when the thing you've waited for finally arrives, how much more do you appreciate it... blah, blah, blah.

But when you are stuck in the middle—or worse, the beginning—of waiting, the last thing in the world you want to do is romanticize it.

Yesterday, my four-year old nephew Jayden (pictured with his dad in Disneyworld) underwent a slew of tests to discover what is going on in his little body. To see if the miracle we've all been praying for has happened, either through the chemotherapy, a miracle, or a combination of both. The results, unfortunately, won't be available until late next week.

Ah, waiting. {insert appropriately violent eye-rolling episode here}

But at the height of my sarcasm, in the quiet of this morning's Life Journaling, came these words...

But for you, O Lord, do I wait;
it is you, O Lord my God, who will answer. | Psalm 38:11

Ultimately, it is not the medical professionals who we are waiting for, much as they would like to think that. It isn't time itself that is the enemy. It isn't some wishy-washy, foundation-less hope of a good outcome that is our goal.

Our hope is firmly placed in the Lord our God. It is for Him, and—this I tend to forget—with Him that we wait. While we wait for news, it is the Healer Himself who offers comfort and peace and joy and laughter even in the midst of the waiting.

This is grace...

"It's for your own good."

From yesterday's Life Journal...

And now Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good? —Deuteronomy 10:12-13 ESV

I don't think I ever realized how these verses are so close to one of my long-time favorites,

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God. —Micah 6:8 ESV

But there is a difference in Moses' words than Micah's. The addition of the words, "for your good".

I remember as a child—at times a head-strong one—hearing some variation of these words come out of my parents' mouths, while trying to get my brothers and I to do something that in all reality, we really didn't want to do.

Go to bed.
Drink your milk.
Eat your vegetables.
Take your medicine.
Don't run with scissors.

And many, if not all, of these things were followed with that classic line, "It's for your own good." Somehow, I don't think any of us ever fully believed them.

I have even seen it recently. Watching the parents of a four-year old little piece of my heart try to convince their little boy that letting doctors poke him, constantly bug him as he tries to play Xbox, and make him do things he wants no part of, is actually to make him better. I saw the skepticism in his espresso-colored eyes.

But the reality is that whether or not any of us feel like these things are in our own best interest, or for our own good, they actually are.

The reality is that the life that I desire to love and serve my God is only truly brought about by discipline and disciplines that curb my own natural tendencies—to live my way, to protect, to merely survive—and bring me to a place where i can better hear and obey God.

As I wrote yesterday, as this season of Lent begins, I don't want to emerge after Easter as the same person I am on this side. My prayer is that God would use the disciplines of both omitting things from and adding new disciplines to my life to transform me into someone who better understands and lives His grace and love.

what have you done for me lately?

in this week's life journal readings, i came across a scripture that brought to mind a Janet Jackson song. here is the scripture...

"So then the days are coming," declares the Lord, "when people will no longer say, 'As surely as the Lord lives, who brought the Israelites out of Egypt,' but they will say, 'As surely as the Lord lives, who brought the descendants of Israel up our of the land of the north, and out of all the countries where he banished them." —Jeremiah 23:7,8

this wasn't the first time i came across those words. back in chapter 16, Jeremiah uses pretty much the exact same words. apparently sometimes i need to hear something more than once for it to stick.

God saying to the Israelites that in the coming days, they will no longer see him as someone who did something a long time ago for people they really didn't remember, but they would know him as the God who did something for them today, in the need of their 'right now' lives.

call me crazy, but i think that if your last remembrance of someone is something that they did years or centuries ago, then there may be a problem in your relationship!

not to over-simplify the situation, but i think that part of the Israelite's problem could have been that God was the God of their past. he was the God who saved them, not the God who saves them.

it's too easy for me to slip into this same mindset. if i am not mindful and actually paying attention, then my relationship with God too easily comes couched in terms of yesterday. i think that is one of the things i like best about this life journal process. provided i show up, God never fails to speak.

and unlike the Janet Jackson tune, if i don't have a ready answer to the question, 'what has God done for me lately?', the problem is solely mine.

clingy

You must fear the Lord your God, and worship him and cling to him. | Deuteronomy 10:20 {NLT}

Be careful to obey all the commands I give you; show love to the Lord your God by walking in his ways and clinging to him. | Deuteronomy 11:22 {NLT}

the ESV translates what the NLT calls 'clinging' as 'holding fast'. a much more politically correct way of looking at it, i think!

when you think of someone who is clingy, it is rarely ever in a good sense. clingy usually means needy; someone that you cannot shake loose from, like a static-filled something that wants to be part of whatever you are wearing and annoyingly won't leave.

as i said, nothing good.

but here, God wants the Israelites to cling...to him! he desires—no, commands—that they hold fast to him throughout their days. it seems that in God's book {unlike mine}, clingy isn't annoying, it's obedience.

i fancy myself independent enough that i never want to be known as clingy or needy. if i err in a direction it will most likely be uber-independence and wanting to go my own way.

but when i examine the true state of my heart, my hyper-propensity to sin, then i know that on the most base level, i am needy. there is no way that someone as hopelessly human as i am could ever hope to save or rescue herself.

so, i need hold fast—to cling—to God with all i've got, if for not other reason but to protect myself from my own better judgment, which history has proven a bad idea far too often.