frog jokes

at 5:55pm today i will officially be 41 years old.

it hardly seems possible, especially since i can still channel 11 and 14 year old suzi with such ease. but seriously, my head cannot shake the feeling that OLD people are in their early 40's, so therefore i surely cannot be!

[Note: to those of my friends who may be older than me, do not take the above line as a slight in any way. if you are my friend, then i don't believe you are a day older than 20 either!]

my survival today lies in the hands of Madeleine L'Engle, who wrote, "The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." i don't have to stop being 16 year old suzi who refuses to wear a coat. or 13 year old me telling amazingly bad frog jokes. or the 31 year old suzi who was not afraid to take a huge leap into the unknown. or my 40 year old version, who lived two lifelong dreams, visiting paris and taking a train trip in Ukraine.

so today, i will choose not to look at it as losing a year, but gaining another. who knows what 41 will hold? maybe this will be the year i get to new york city. or write the book. or fall in love.

this morning i received an e-card from a friend, and in it she wrote that she hoped i would appreciate the beauty and magnificence in the journey of the next year.

that is my prayer for today.

not alone enough to be holy...

how can one help but be moved in the face of genius? This is found in Rilke's "Book of Hours: Love Poems to God":

I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough
to make every hour holy.
I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.
I want my will, and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;
and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when something is approaching,
I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.

nothing more need be said.