for the most part, i love my life. apart from the humidity thing, and the occasional college football-related breakdown, i have no real complaints.

but sometimes, every once in a while, coming home alone to an empty apartment wears on me. tonight is one of those nights. and i think, as i type this, i can even hear my family laughing together as they play poker on the other side of the country... intensifying the things i am already feeling.

so, to combat this, i choose to go here.


dear UofM wolverine football team,

let me start this letter by saying that you have given me some of the greatest moments of my life. the november 23, 1991 game where you obliterated the dreaded and mortal enemy ohio state was the best day of my life....hands down. i have even come to terms with the fact that my day in ann arbor, despite the cold, cold rain, will outshine even my wedding day {should i ever have one}. when i am old and grey and cannot remember my own name any longer, i will remember that day and elvis grbac's graceful on-field beauty.

granted, we've had our ups and downs. but i've come to terms with the fact that you choke every time you get near a bowl game...lots of people cannot handle that much pressure, there is no shame here. and last year's unfortunate appalachian state incident, well, i think that i can talk about it without sobbing now. it's only taken ten months of heart-wrenching therapy...

but utah? UTAH? seriously? we're starting the season by getting beated by utah? let's look at this realistically...i can see getting beaten by appalachian state. those are mountain people, rugged, strong. but UTAH?

why are you doing this to me?

my heart will always be yours, but i have to admit, it is broken tonight.

love, suzi

p.s. please, please PLEASE whatever you have to do, beat ohio state in november.


favorite things

while i have never aspired to be oprah, i do have my share of favorite things. so tonight, on this most exciting occasion of a friday evening at home, i have decided to share with you some favorite things which are a part of my evening.

given my extreme {and vocal} love of good coffee, it has been a surprise to many that my latest drink passion is a tea... the republic of tea's spring cherry green tea to be exact. i had purchased a tin of it last year while visiting angie in michigan, and when i almost ran out, and failed to find it in my country, i had almost given up hope. then, the good republicans made delivery to canada a reality, and as of this week, i am hooked up again. and what better to drink a hot beverage in, than a new mug {from starbucks, no less}, a gift from a good friend. it is a perfect combination.

the second thing that has made my evening tonight, is gourmet magazine's latest issue which is dedicated solely to...wait for it...paris! for some reason, reading about macarons and the left bank and the unparalleled experience of eating and walking and being in paris makes the fact that i am not there a bit more bearable. and while i like to think that i am unique in my passion for the city, i love that i am not the only one whose heart can be made happy simply by walking down a parisian street! {and let me just say that this delightful find is courtesy of my super-cool friend angie, a fellow magazine junkie!}

the magazine lists some affordable hotels in a city where you can easily spend $500 a night for a room, and i was ecstatic to read that the familia hotel, my parisian home, was listed among the chosen few. if you are going to visit paris, i cannot recommend the familia {or her sister hotel, the minerve, right next door} enough. it is in the latin quarter, right down the street from the sorbonne, and only a most enjoyable ten minute walk separates you from notre dame...what more could you ask for?!

which brings me to my last favorite thing of the evening, my copy of the books of the bible {i have the orange one}. last year it really started to bug me that i was treating the bible more like a handbook or text book, than a book to be read and enjoyed. maybe it was all those numbers, and given my extreme fear of math, the combination was just too much. but then i found this gem... the bible, without chapter and verse numbers, in chronological order. this baby has changed the way i read God's word, and i love it!

that's all i've got for now. hope you're having a good evening.


love or something else...

this book i've been reading is challenging my concept of what it means to love God, and how that translates into daily life.

how do you define love?

i love my niece & nephews, and if you were to ask me to define what it means to love these little people, how it translates into my life, i would tell you that i love spending time with them; if they drew me a picture or wrote me a letter, i would put it on my refrigerator & every time i'd look at it (which would be often), i'd smile; i could talk about them and the great things they do and say for hours; and if one of them ever needed me or asked for anything, i would move heaven & earth to make it happen.

if, then, i am willing to go to such great lengths for my little relatives, does it not follow that i would go to even greater lengths if i claim to love my God? not that i should love the little ones less, but i'm thinking that my love for God should be more extravagant...

the chapter i am reading now is called 'serving leftovers to a holy God'. when i think about it, it's scary how often i default to this. is it sufficient to say we love God, and give him what time/money/love/attention we can afford from our over-crowded lives? is it enough to give leftovers even if we've convinced ourselves that they are more than that? is this love...or is this something else that we've convinced ourselves is love?

so, i'm asking the question: what should it mean to say that we love God? how does it translate into everyday life? and how should it compare to the other things in life that we love, or even that we do on a regular basis?

and the question that has been haunting me: if someone were to look at my life, what would they say my greatest love was?

i'd love to hear what you think...



sometimes i start reading a book, and very few pages into it, i realize that it's really not going to be a walk in the park...

this week's kick in the butt book is crazy love by francis chan, and at the top of page 40, he defines two words that i have used way too often in my life:
worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.

stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.
he goes on to say that the point of our lives is to point to God. and i am left haunted by the question, in the midst of my daily mundane-ness, who does my life point to? sadly, it is far too often no one but myself...



it took a while, but i think i finally landed on a blog header that i actually like! {thanks to shoubert, though, i did end up changing the quote already!} originally i had chesterton's quote, "fairy tales are more than true; not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."

i must admit, i really am a sucker for a good dragon quote...

i haven't done a whole lot of writing lately. these days it seems like the whole reflective life things is an uphill battle...not unlike climbing the 284 steps of the arc de triomphe with bronchitis. perhaps i need to envision an old man with a cane catching up to me. perhaps that will inspire me... or, more likely, scare me!

it's exciting that the days are getting shorter. {yes, i know i could get shot for that statement.} but fall is coming. life will resume a more normal schedule. for some reason, i want to go school supply shopping... {again!} all this makes my heart happy.

this post has been a whole lot of nothing, but i need to get back in the swing, so here i am, world. look out.


leadership summit 2008


i am left surprisingly speechless after this year's leadership summit. every year is good. every year i walk away wanting and better equipped to be a better leader. but this year was different somehow.

it lacked, for me, a superstar. in the past there have been the one speaker/topic that stood out and turned my world on its ear. this year, though, there was no one, but rather, the faculty as a whole. each session built on the one before, creating a beautiful, challenging, messy whole.

some things that stand out right now:
"if you want your leadership to matter, lead in the things that matter to God." {gary haugen}

"Jesus didn't come to make us safe, he came to make us brave." {gary haugen}

'in a world of such suffering and need, why have i been given so much?" {gary haugen}

"are we leading people to see others first through the eyes of grace?" {john burke}

"if you cannot love across the lines of race/culture/class, you cannot love." {efrem smith}

"we have transformed our allegiance from truth to therapy."
{chuck colson}

"show up for the day. get your instructions. go in obedience." {catherine rohr}

"if i were God for a day, would i pick me to do my work?"
{bill hybels}

and finally, the franciscan blessing that craig groreschel closed his session with:

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.



for those of you who regularly visit my little corner of the blogosphere, you may notice that i have been changing the header recently. i got bored with the blogger-standardized one, and realized, 'hey, i'm a designer', and started playing with ideas. i'm still not 100% happy yet, but will be soon...i hope!

which brings me to what is on my mind tonight, the concept of change. i am a big fan of change. i like things to change. i am all for change.

what i don't like is the actual process of change. the annoying, complicated, messy, inconvenient steps that need to be taken for the actual change to occur. and i am in the middle of more than a couple of changes in my life right now. ick.

my natural tendency is to get grumpy and wish all the icky-ness away, but life rarely takes a turn for the better just because we are done with it being sucky. i need to take my own advice, and 'suck it up, princess' more than i really want to...and make sure that my attitude is one of joy instead of the one of impatient grumpiness that i too often don.

i need to remember rilke's admontion to 'be patient with all that is unsolved in your heart,' and remember that there is a bigger picture being played out that i am not seeing the whole of yet... which brings us to the concept of waiting.

don't let me get started on waiting...


i am home

after spending time with my family, coming home is never the same. there are the times when after the crazy busyness (especially around the holidays) that i crave the quiet stillness of my own little nest. then, there are other times, when i know that the family is all together, laughing and playing games on the other side of the country, that my solo sighs echo off the walls that i have yet to hang pictures on.

i'm not sure which this one is.

yes, it was a busy and packed six days, filled with lots of laughter and children and game-playing. there was babysitting the cutest kids in the world. hearing jayden say my name for the first time. nicky proving that he is a better driver than i am (at least where need for speed is concerned). hanging with meg, reading and buying books. going with mom, dad & doug to mom's appointment, where we got some good news, and caused an ocologist to wonder exactly what was wrong with our family (in a good way). losing with dad to the rest of the family at pictionary (we should get an award for being the suckiest players EVER!). admiring my sister-in-law as she is a better mother than i ever could dream of being. playing and hanging with john's boys. way too much shopping...

and now i am home, tired, and while there are no sighs echoing, i miss my 'peeps'. ;-)

and then it was august...


Total Pageviews