it hardly seems possible, especially since i can still channel 11 and 14 year old suzi with such ease. but seriously, my head cannot shake the feeling that OLD people are in their early 40's, so therefore i surely cannot be!
[Note: to those of my friends who may be older than me, do not take the above line as a slight in any way. if you are my friend, then i don't believe you are a day older than 20 either!]
my survival today lies in the hands of Madeleine L'Engle, who wrote, "The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been." i don't have to stop being 16 year old suzi who refuses to wear a coat. or 13 year old me telling amazingly bad frog jokes. or the 31 year old suzi who was not afraid to take a huge leap into the unknown. or my 40 year old version, who lived two lifelong dreams, visiting paris and taking a train trip in Ukraine.
so today, i will choose not to look at it as losing a year, but gaining another. who knows what 41 will hold? maybe this will be the year i get to new york city. or write the book. or fall in love.
this morning i received an e-card from a friend, and in it she wrote that she hoped i would appreciate the beauty and magnificence in the journey of the next year.
that is my prayer for today.
nothing more need be said.
I am too alone in the world, and yet not alone enough
to make every hour holy.
I am too small in the world, and yet not tiny enough
just to stand before you like a thing,
dark and shrewd.
I want my will, and I want to be with my will
as it moves towards deed;
and in those quiet, somehow hesitating times,
when something is approaching,
I want to be with those who are wise
or else alone.