best...

this is the best TV cliffhanger finale episode ever.

seriously.



it gets me every time...

wonder

i was sorting through the memories and memorabilia from my recent trip to New York City the other day, and came across my NYC Metro Card, where i found this quote on the back:

"Within five miles of where you live, there are enough strange things to keep you wondering all your life. Probably in your dooryard may be found enough to employ the intellect of a strong man; one of the great discoveries in science was made by a man cultivating the ordinary garden pea." —E. W. Howe

may you find and enjoy all the wonder hidden within your world.

favorite things...

i used to do a lot more crafty kinds of things at home, especially back in the days when i worked in a credit union. it makes sense that creative energy needs to find a way to express itself, and that certainly wasn't happening when dealing with money, so i spent much free time sewing, cross-stitching, etc.

then i started working as a graphic designer, and everything changed.

being creative every day meant that when i came home at night, the last thing on earth i wanted to do was attempt to be creative yet again. my poor sewing machine can attest to that. it's been years since i have done more than dust him off.

but lately, my job has required a bit less of the creative, design work, and more communications, web work, leaving me with more creative energy when i get home than previous years.

so i've started making felt ornaments, and having way too much fun doing so!

this little bird i made last night, he is way too cute, and i think that he needs to have some similar, although differently colored friends really soon.

this goldfish may be my most favorite of all i've created. he was definitely time-consuming, with all his scales, but gosh, he turned out cute!

everything but this gingerbread man was made from patterns from a book called Fa La La La Felt, which i recently picked up. but this guy i drew and designed on my own.

and finally, these little partridges were the first ornaments i attempted, and i still think they are delightful.

it's actually relaxing, making them as i watch television at night... although my living room looks a bit like a kindergarten craft table.

it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make.

positive

it is way too easy to focus on the negative things these days... at least it is for me. perhaps because the negative is easier to find, you really don't have to look for it. while the positive, the good, requires a bit of effort.

today i am choosing to look at the positive, and to celebrate, here are six things i am overwhelmingly grateful for, in no particular order...

1. my job. yesterday at our staff meeting, they celebrated staff who have worked at PORTICO for five years or more. given that i am getting ready to celebrate my 11th anniversary of working here, i got some love. it's been a great decade, and i love my job as much as ever.
2. my friend, Angela. i don't know anyone else on earth who would drive four hours just because i had a crazy idea that i wanted to go to the St. Lawrence Market with her. everyone needs a friend who would drive four hours just to satisfy one of their whims.
3. coffee. enough said.
4. family. it's been eleven months since i have seen most of my family, and as December 21, the day i will get on an airplane and head west, approaches, i am filled with anticipation to see the parents, the brothers, how big the niece and nephews have gotten, and to meet my newest nephew.
5. banana nut mueslix. i don't like a lot of breakfast cereals, but this one i love. it might not seem like much to you, but for someone who has a hard time eating breakfast, finding something i actually like and enjoy is a real treat.
6. this season. i love this season. beautiful colors. falling leaves, making nature look as thought it is in a constant state of motion. putting up my Christmas tree. preparations for my upcoming party, as well as making gifts to give to people i love. i love the anticipation of seeing people you haven't seen in ages, and the laughter that ensues.

what about you? what are you grateful for today?

off

i am feeling off today.

it started sometime yesterday, not sure if i could actually pinpoint the time. but by late yesterday afternoon, it was official that i was not feeling like myself. i was achy and stuffed up, so i hoped that perhaps the 'offness' was a result of the onset of a cold, but this morning i awoke sans illness, but still not quite myself.

even as i wrote this morning, it felt strained and unfamiliar.

after getting ready, i walked out of the house and into dog pooh and anger. in retrospect, the anger was probably disproportionate to the amount of pooh stepped in. perhaps it was the cumulative amount of dog pooh i have stepped in over the last few months, or just another symptom of how i am feeling.

then as i walked to work, i almost got run into by a car. while the driver wasn't watching where she was going, it was my fault because i wasn't where i should have been... but that didn't stop me from angrily looking at the driver and asking, 'what on earth is wrong with you?!' through the windshield.

never would i have thought that i would end up being that person.

i am off today.

i'm not even sure what i most need. i only know that i don't feel like myself, now compounded by the guilt of taking my unfounded anger out on an unsuspecting stranger. i pray that she forgets and my outburst does not affect her day.

as in all my more ugly self-aware moments, Rilke words seem to find their way into my mind. these, the last part of the poem, 'I Am Praying Again, Awesome One' seem particularly fitting...

it is here in all the pieces of my shame
that i now find myself again.
i yearn to belong to something, to be contained
in an all-embracing mind that sees me
as a single thing.
i yearn to be held
in the great hands of your heart—
oh let them take me now.

into them i place these fragments, my life,
and you, God— spend them however you want.

—Rilke