Ah, fear...

#Trust30 Writing Prompt

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. —Ralph Waldo Emerson

Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now. (Author: Mary Jaksch)

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Ah, fear.

For a long time I had convinced myself that fear played no real part in my life. But the reality is that even if you put a different label on something, it doesn't actually change what it is. As I write this, I cannot help but hear Juliet's infamous quote, as written by William Shakespeare,

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose

By any other name would smell as sweet."

By the same token, calling fear anything else, does not change what it actually is.

So, what is it that I fear?

I. fear. failure.

You have no idea how much those three words pain me. They are just so banal. So common. So prosaic.

So everything that I don't want to be in my life.

But it is true. I fear failure. It keeps me from trying things that I really want to do. It intimidates me when I lie awake at night, taunting, telling me that what I have done, what I can do, isn't enough, and never will be enough. It prods me towards procrastination. Makes me second guess and question the validity of both my design and writing work. It makes me stay in the safe, well-lit playgrounds of creativity instead of heading out to discover the dark, undiscovered, dangerous ones. Keeps me silent, for fear of being wrong, or thought stupid. It keeps me craving a perfection that does not exist, ignoring the beauty that is right before me.

When it all comes down to it, fearing failure is kind of ridiculous. How can you get anywhere without learning, and what better way to learn than first-hand experience?

And besides, for someone who has failed as often as I have, and gotten up and kept going, shouldn't I be less afraid of something that I know isn't actually fatal?

What a beautiful grace that the fears, and failures of our past, do not have to define us, so long as we don't let them.

Choosing to be brave...

Five Years—either way

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago?
What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

(Author: Corbett Barr)

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The unthinkable will happen. But none of it will take God by surprise.

Without the unthinkable, you wouldn't be who you are today.

Many of the things you think are vitally important today won't matter in ten years.
What things?

Take your good intentions and power them with hard work and love.
The cost of making dreams come true is forgotten in light of the gain.

Many things, including making pie crust, aren't as hard as you think they are.
Pass the pie, please.

Stop thinking you need to do it all yourself.
Needing community is not weakness.

Your heart will break in ways you cannot imagine.
There is a beautiful grace in heartbreak and beyond.

Stop worrying about being perfect.
Some of your greatest achievements were 'mistakes'.

Don't let fear control you.
Don't let fear control you.

Keep watching LOST. You won't be sorry.
I still don't get the whole polar bear thing...

Never give up.
Thank you.

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Today I am beginning #Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Each day there is a prompt, and the goal is to take that prompt and go from there.

remembering the gratitude... {#207-214)

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." —G.K. Chesterton

There are weeks when the gratitude—the seeing and naming of the gifts of God—seems to flow like a swollen spring stream. Then, there are others when I must force my eyes to see what is right in front of me.

Then there are weeks like these that I am in.

Weeks of crazy busyness.

Days when all that runs around my mind are the things yet undone, all those details that must be taken care of before I can get on the airplane on Friday night and feel as though everything here is good.

These are the days I am living in.

And the thing that gets sacrificed, is the noticing. I know the gifts are there. I can see them all around me, the ways God shows His love for me... I am just too busy to write them down. And at the end of the day, when my head finally stops spinning, remembering them to write them down is almost impossible.

So, there are not many gifts this week, not for a lack of them existing, just for a lack of paying attention.

This week, no matter how busy it will be, I will force myself to pay attention.

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I am thankful for...

207:: a co-worker who always remembers to send me what I need before I need it... actually, well before I need it!

208:: a bus shelter in a torrential downpour.

209:: blonde{r} hair!

210:: Italian strawberry cake {photo to come}

211:: gracious friends who ate and raved about the cake, even though it wasn't completely baked, albeit very yummy, if I may say so myself!

212:: movie night with the girls.

213:: Sunday afternoon naps.

214:: "I have not stopped thanking God for you..." {Ephesians 1:16} All the friends who make my life the beautiful place that it is; this week in particular, my movie night girls, Barbara, Erynne, Merrilee, Jenn & Lyndsay. And, although absent geographically, always present in my soul on a movie night, Alicia...who comes home this week! {something else to be thankful for!}

What are you grateful for?

128 days