Five Years—either way

There will be an agreement in whatever variety of actions, so they be each honest and natural in their hour. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

What would you say to the person you were five years ago?
What will you say to the person you’ll be in five years?

(Author: Corbett Barr)

* * * * *

The unthinkable will happen. But none of it will take God by surprise.

Without the unthinkable, you wouldn't be who you are today.

Many of the things you think are vitally important today won't matter in ten years.
What things?

Take your good intentions and power them with hard work and love.
The cost of making dreams come true is forgotten in light of the gain.

Many things, including making pie crust, aren't as hard as you think they are.
Pass the pie, please.

Stop thinking you need to do it all yourself.
Needing community is not weakness.

Your heart will break in ways you cannot imagine.
There is a beautiful grace in heartbreak and beyond.

Stop worrying about being perfect.
Some of your greatest achievements were 'mistakes'.

Don't let fear control you.
Don't let fear control you.

Keep watching LOST. You won't be sorry.
I still don't get the whole polar bear thing...

Never give up.
Thank you.

* * * * *

Today I am beginning #Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Each day there is a prompt, and the goal is to take that prompt and go from there.

Change your words. Change your world.

One of the church communications people I follow, Tim Schraeder, tweeted this video. Its message is immensely powerful to me, both in my role as a church communications chick, and a writer.

Perhaps, even more simply, as a human being.

tension

I think I have loved Henri Nouwen's writing since the moment I was introduced to his books. His words seem to me to be the perfect combination of wisdom, humility, passion, and holiness. Reading his beautiful daybook, Bread For The Journey has been such a treat so far this year, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last year that I do so.

Every once in a while, a day sticks out in my mind. Perhaps the topic, or maybe just where my head happens to be that day, but there seems to be one every once in a while that I just cannot get out of my head.

The reading from April 6 is just such an example...

Being Humble and Confident
—Henri Nouwen, Bread For The Journey, April 6

As we look at the stars and let our minds wander into the many galaxies, we come to feel so small and insignificant that anything we do, say, or think seems completely useless. But if we look into our souls and let our minds wander into the endless galaxies of our interior lives, we become so tall and significant that everything we do, say, or think appears to be of great importance.

We have to keep looking both ways to remain humble and confident, humorous and serious, playful and responsible. Yes, the human being is very small and very tall. It is the tension between the two that keeps us spiritually awake.

The tension between the two keeps us spiritually awake. I think it is easy to live on either side of a spectrum in this life of a Christ follower. It would be easy to err on the side that Jesus is love, and it really doesn't matter what I do so long as I am happy, simply because Jesus loves me. Conversely, it would be easy to take the role of the zealous, hyper-holy follower of Jesus, removing myself from the world to remove all temptation, never engage in culture for fear that it will taint and make me unholy, and be unswerving in my judgments, never allowing love to factor in.

Jesus hasn't called us to either extreme, but rather to a life of tension. Tension between the 'anything goes' and the 'everything goes'. Tension between how life is today, and how I want it to be. Tension between hating the sin and loving the sinner. Tension between the holiness that I would settle for, and the true one that God has called me to.

Henri is, once again, beautifully right. Without this tension, I would easily be asleep.

gifts

so many things run into each other, crashing, bumping and moving around in my mind. like bumper cars.

hit and bounce.

move on.

hit and bounce.

hit and bounce.

people, more importantly friends, i believe, come into our lives at times when we most need them. i've seen it happen time and again throughout my 16,000 plus days. so, for someone who sees books as friends, the arrival of Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts has been a welcomed addition to my life.

a well-timed, beautifully written book can help clarify all that seems muddled and jumbled and impossibly tangled in my mind. and the combination of this book, studying Ecclesiastes with my small group, and good friends who listen as i try to detangle everything going on in my mind has made the last few days a gift.

not a completely pain-free gift, but a gift nonetheless.

but even as i read and pray and talk, recognizing the wisdom here, i realize that one cannot swallow it all whole and expect to live it out from that moment on perfectly. wisdom doesn't work that way. not much that is truly important in life does.

"For all real answers, don't they come in strata, gradations of understanding? —Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

for all the important things in life, time is the necessary ingredient. time to work it out, live it out, let the gift of wisdom seep into your soul and change you from the inside out.

so all these gifts, these words—written, spoken and prayed—are my companions through this season of too much silence, not enough answers, and a renewed discovery of grace.

my heart is filled with gratitude...

doubt

i think if i had to pinpoint one flaw that most keeps me from doing and being all i can, it would have to be my super-human ability to doubt myself.

there aren't many areas of life where doubt and second guessing doesn't factor in. my writing {is what i'm writing really relevant, intelligent, informed, or am i simply spewing the ridiculous randomness in my head?}. the job {this design isn't as good as the last one. what if i never have a creative thought ever again? what if they find out i don't have a clue what i'm doing?}. even conversations that i have {did i really say that? she's going to think i am an idiot. why did i have to open my mouth at all?}.

all these things and more are subject to the harsh and glaring critic living inside my head,whose only job, it seems, is to constantly tell me that what i'm doing isn't good enough, creative enough, intelligent enough... or simply enough.

it's far too easy to let the questioning, negative voices actually run the show that is my life. and besides, i don't even like living like this! if i was wearing a pair of shoes that was so painful as to ruin my day, i wouldn't hesitate to change them. so why have i allowed doubt to inconvenience, and at times, even sabotage me?

i want to be done with the incessant self-doubting. i want to stop second guessing myself, and begin trusting in the gifts that God has given me. and if i make a mistake, then i pick up and go on from there.

there are enough things in life that serve to derail you from your purpose... there's no sense in adding to it.

happy pooh day

today just happens to be winnie the pooh day.

to celebrate this felicitous occasion, here is one of my very favorite pooh quotes...

if ever there is tomorrow when we're not together
there is something you must always remember.
you are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
but the most important thing is,
even if we're apart...
i'll always be with you. | winnie the pooh

wisdom

i did not have the greatest night of sleep last night.

surely, part of it was due to the exceedingly large cup of tea i had only moments before i went to bed. but another part was due to a conversation that i had with someone yesterday... a conversation i would rather not have happened, but was apparently unavoidable.

i won't get into the details, they really aren't what is important. what is important, is that while i may not have returned the biting comments that came my way, and while i said nothing but all the right words one could say in such a situation, i did not show this person love during the exchange. i shared the necessary information, but that was all.

then, this morning, reading mark 12 with youversion.com's reading plan, i was reminded of this incident in Jesus' life...

Later they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus to catch him in his words. They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not? Should we pay or shouldn’t we?”

But Jesus knew their hypocrisy. “Why are you trying to trap me?” he asked. “Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.”

They brought the coin, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?” “Caesar’s,” they replied.

Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” And they were amazed at him.

Jesus was bated, and yet managed to answer with wisdom and grace.

i still have so much to learn from him...