control

while i wouldn't describe myself as a control freak, there have been those in my life who have wandered into that neighborhood, and made such an assertion.

okay, so i like to be in control. but let's not blow this out of perspective. i don't want supremacy over the whole world. i have no such secret ambitions. {now, if we were talking my own small island near the south of france, i think i would make a very good Queen Susanne... but we digress.}

all this to say, that while i may have degrees of desire to be in control, i wouldn't really call them issues. there are simply things that life goes better when i have the power to manage them.

let me say that this week, in my work life, there wasn't a great deal of control to be had. a new {and faulty} version of Photoshop took over my life, and refused to let me do my job. do you know what happens when i cannot do my job? i didn't, until it all came to a head yesterday, and while i won't go into all the details, let me just say that it isn't pretty. one thing that i definitely did not have control over yesterday was my reaction to the situation.

basically, as i sat at my desk, the fifth time i tried to do the one thing i needed to do to finish the sermon presentation for sunday, and the fifth time Photoshop crashed my computer in an hour, i had the grown up equivalent of a temper tantrum. there were tears—angry tears, definitely not the pretty kind. there was anger. there were pouty faces. there was grumbling.

i was a mess.

you want to believe that when life doesn't go your way that you will handle it with grace and poise. not to mention the reminder that even if Photoshop doesn't work ever again, God is still God, and in the big picture, nothing has changed.

i want to believe i am this person, but yesterday proved that i am not yet her.

being daily aware of the fact that i am not a perfect person, i rarely have illusions of sainthood. but the place i went to yesterday, simply because i could not do my job, has reminded me that i still have so far to go, there is still so much more inside me that needs to be illuminated by God's grace, and changed to be more like Jesus.

so far to go...

written

last week i talked about the assignment i gave myself to write out parts of the bible with a goal to better understand and live it out. on the weekend i finished 2 Peter, and tonight i will begin with 1 John.

one thing that stuck with me from 2 Peter, however, was one little sentence that i am not even sure i've ever noticed before. it is in the second half of verse 19 of chapter 2, and it says this:

"for you are a slave to whatever controls you."

ick.

today was not a good day to know this verse. today i was a slave to frustration, and i will say that it wasn't pretty. whatever the reasons surrounding the frustration, i know that regardless of what happens around me, the only thing i have any control over is my reaction... except there was no control today. {did i mention that it wasn't pretty?}

but how many other things do we allow ourselves to become slaves to?

anger. money. approval. appetites. lust. fear.

the list could go on and on.

what is controlling you today?

missing...

every year, this {real} thanksgiving week makes me feel like i am missing something. seriously, we are so close to the US it's a wonder we cannot smell all the turkey cooking from here! it's like knowing that there's a huge party going on next door with parades and football, and for some obscure reason, you cannot be invited.

i hate being left out.

speaking of things beyond our control, what are you doing about the things that are within your realm of control? if you're anything like me, you spend way too much time focusing on that which cannot be changed, while letting the opportunities of things that you do have the power to affect get away.

...encouraging someone going through a tough spot.
...simply spending time with your friends or family.
...buying shoes for someone who has none.
...spending time reading God's book or simply hanging with him.
...planning how to be intentionally relationship-focused this holiday instead of gift focused... and then use that money to buy shoes.

oh, did i mention that you could buy shoes? we have 34 days to go, and so far have raised the funds for only 6,732 pairs of shoes out of our goal of 50,000. that's like a million shoes still to go. i'll admit, when i first heard about this project, i thought that this would be a piece of cake. that's only 25,000 people sharing $5...and almost everyone has $5. but, as in all of life, things rarely work out as i expect them to.

so, let me encourage you that whatever you do this {real} thanksgiving week, be intentional. be relational. and do something, anything, that will cost you, but will enhance the world in which you are a citizen.