my dream car

thanks to the good people over at the Paris Marais Newsletter, i have finally found my dream car. it is a prototype of the 1007 model by Peugeot with Louis XVI seats and toile de jouy paint. it's pretty...

so be it...

i have such difficulty falling asleep after small group on monday nights. it is such a privilege to lead such a talented, passionate group of women... i am not exaggerating when i say that there is enough God-given talent and potential in my living room every monday night to change the world. i am blessed to be a part of their journeys.

tonight, as usual, after our discussion, my mind is racing. but it seems to have landed on this franciscan blessing that i first heard from craig groeschel at the leadership summit. this is my prayer for all my girls tonight:

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain in to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

amen, girls. amen.

the story...

it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. {jane austen}

in order to tide myself over until LOST begins again in january, i was doing the surfthechannel thing and getting caught up on the episodes that i'd either missed or forgotten from season 4. then one day, almost a month ago, i noticed a new show, lost in austen, and was immediately intrigued. while in calgary this summer i had purchased a book by the same title, reminiscent of the 'choose your own adventure' books from my childhood, the reader becomes elizabeth bennet, whose goal is to not only marry well, but marry for love. {let me say, that on my first journey through the book, i did indeed marry mr. darcy...sigh...}

anyway, i digress, so i checked out the show, and sure enough, it is the story of a young woman, amanda, from london in 2008, who is startled one evening to find elizabeth bennet in her bathroom. apparently there is a door behind the bathtub which leads directly to lizzie's house. while checking out the unusual occurrence, with elizabeth in amanda's london apartment and amanda in the bennet's home, the door closes and amanda walks into the beginning of what should have been pride and prejudice. and that is where it all goes wrong.

given that we all know how the story goes, when lizzie's absence and amanda's presence turns the whole thing upside down, you can't help but feel that something terrible is happening. {spoiler alert} especially when jane marries the creepiest mr. collins EVER! but as someone who fancies herself as waiting for her own mr. darcy, the ending, and generally the experience of the mini series was highly enjoyable.

but all this about altering story lines started me wondering about the storyline of our own lives. life is not a predetermined book like pride and prejudice, but rather one more akin to lost in austen, where our own decisions factor into the equation, making every one's journey unique. but because we don't have the original text to compare our lives to, we will never know how one decision, however small it seemed at the time, may have completely altered the trajectory of life as we know it.

sometimes is it easy to become discouraged by the mistakes and poor choices we've made along the way, and spend too much time wondering what life could have been had we done things differently. and depending upon the situation you now find yourself in, it is too easy to go nowhere while ruing the past. anyone who has tried it will tell you, you cannot move forward while facing behind...who are we kidding, i'll tell you. i've tried it way too often, and have the scars and bruises to prove it.

in a sermon entitled let story guide you, donald miller quotes a book that i cannot remember the title of and says that "God takes our mistake and starts from there." this is a reminder i need daily.

one last thought i'll leave you with...in the same sermon, donald miller says that when faced with a decision, a good question to ask is whether or not we want this thing that we are deciding about in our story. look at it as you would twenty years in the future looking back, is this something that you want written in the book of your life, or not...and then act accordingly.

what is your story?

why?

at small group last night we were talking about why it is so difficult to actually pick up and read our Bibles with any kind of regularity. and when the question, 'why is this so difficult' was posed, there really wasn't an answer that emerged.

this has left me with somewhat of a 'splinter in my mind' {the matrix}, while not quite driving me mad, it is causing me to wonder exactly why it is that it is so difficult to be consistent. seriously, it's not like we are hopeless people who don't hold down jobs, pay our bills, have relationships, and do what we need to to be part of our world. and we all believe that reading God's word and prayer are vital to being the people we are called to be.

so, the question remains, why?

while not discounting the spiritual {"we fight not against flesh and blood..."}, i well know that far too often the biggest obstacle to my own spiritual growth is me. degrees of laziness and procrastination. other things perceived as more exciting to read or watch. an overcrowded schedule and perpetual tiredness. the list goes on...

it's easier to look for a solution when you fully understand the problem...which is probably why this is still bothering me. in the past year i've taken different steps... buying the books of the Bible, embracing different spiritual disciplines, etc., and while these have changed, and continue to refine me, this question still remains.

why do you think these things are so difficult?
what do you do to 'keep the romance alive' in your relationship with God?

sweet tweet

i make no secret that i love Twitter, the mini-blog site. it's like the status of facebook without the clutter and annoyance. but in the last few days, i've found a new reason to love my tweets, and that is with that discovery of twiturgy, liturgical readings throughout the day with a link to read scripture {a discovery i have flowerdust to thank for}.

i've only been following twiturgy for a few days now, but i cannot tell you how many times during these days, when i've received tweets that i've desperately needed to hear. "so don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. today's trouble is enough for today." that one came in last night, just before i went to bed. "may your kingdom come soon. may your will be done here on earth, just as it is in heaven," was an excellent reminder yesterday when i started to get overwhelmed by a situation.

clicking on the URL takes you to a page with daily scripture readings, the occasional poem, and sometimes a prayer. this one was from sunday, and is as perfect a prayer as i've ever heard:

Prayer for Illumination
Eternal God, let us see ourselves as you see us. Does our righteousness stem from love, or selfishness? Do our prayers spring genuinely, or from hypocrisy? Are our good deeds and spiritual disciplines the fruit of divine character, or a petty legalism? Are we truly your children, or merely playing the part? Our hearts are so often deceitful, confused; remove both false guilt and false righteousness, that we might see truly. And implant in our hearts the root of love, that our prayers, our giving, our fasting may all demonstrate true holiness and not selfish hypocrisy. Through Christ our Lord, Amen. {from the ashbury reader}

be sure to check it out, i don't think you'd be sorry. {oh, and if you become a Twitterite, let me know so i can follow you!}

today...

“in the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another day just like today, and there will never be another just like it again. today is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. it is the point from which all your tomorrows will proceed until the hour of your death. if you were aware of how precious today is, you could hardly live through it. unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all.” (frederick buechner)

and you probably thought it was just another monday...