remembering the gratitude... {#207-214)

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." —G.K. Chesterton

There are weeks when the gratitude—the seeing and naming of the gifts of God—seems to flow like a swollen spring stream. Then, there are others when I must force my eyes to see what is right in front of me.

Then there are weeks like these that I am in.

Weeks of crazy busyness.

Days when all that runs around my mind are the things yet undone, all those details that must be taken care of before I can get on the airplane on Friday night and feel as though everything here is good.

These are the days I am living in.

And the thing that gets sacrificed, is the noticing. I know the gifts are there. I can see them all around me, the ways God shows His love for me... I am just too busy to write them down. And at the end of the day, when my head finally stops spinning, remembering them to write them down is almost impossible.

So, there are not many gifts this week, not for a lack of them existing, just for a lack of paying attention.

This week, no matter how busy it will be, I will force myself to pay attention.

* * * * *

I am thankful for...

207:: a co-worker who always remembers to send me what I need before I need it... actually, well before I need it!

208:: a bus shelter in a torrential downpour.

209:: blonde{r} hair!

210:: Italian strawberry cake {photo to come}

211:: gracious friends who ate and raved about the cake, even though it wasn't completely baked, albeit very yummy, if I may say so myself!

212:: movie night with the girls.

213:: Sunday afternoon naps.

214:: "I have not stopped thanking God for you..." {Ephesians 1:16} All the friends who make my life the beautiful place that it is; this week in particular, my movie night girls, Barbara, Erynne, Merrilee, Jenn & Lyndsay. And, although absent geographically, always present in my soul on a movie night, Alicia...who comes home this week! {something else to be thankful for!}

What are you grateful for?

Abundance {#119-134}

I laughed this morning.

Sitting by myself at the kitchen table, doing my Life Journal, I laughed as I read God's word.

It all began years ago...

More than a few years ago, while attending the Leadership Summit, I was privileged to hear Tim Sanders speak on the topic of scarcity vs. abundance. Scarcity being believing that there is not enough to go around, while Mr. Sanders defines the law of abundance as believing that there is always enough to go around.

I've been thinking about that session of the LS lately, since I have noticed that scarcity thinking has become more and more prevalent in my life... and it is not a good thing. This crept-in belief is slowly poisoning my outlook, from knowing that with Jesus, I have all that I truly need, to thinking that in order to be good, to be happy, I need more. Something else. And this scarcity thinking has me making bad decisions, rash decisions, and not being myself.

Back to today...

It began probably ten minutes earlier. After I got up and was gathering what I would need for the morning quiet time, I was thinking on this scarcity thing, and I thought to myself, "How does a person get beyond scarcity? What do I need to do to get myself out of this?"

I left the question hanging in the air as I opened my Bible for today's readings. When I got to Psalm 34, verse 9, that is when the laughter hit.

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack! {vs. 9}

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

There, in black and white print was the answer to my question. And in case I may have doubted it, or thought it seemed a little too obscure, David, the Psalmist, went on...

The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

What man is there who desires life

and loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil

and your lips from speaking deceit.

Turn away from evil and do good;

seek peace and pursue it.

Could my question have been answered any better had I had an actual audience with my God in His throne room?

Sure, the answer isn't easy, and I know that I have some work cut out for me—as I seek hard after God, pursue peace instead of more, and rid myself of the lies that I have been believing for too long—but how amazing is it that when we ask our questions, He hears them, and loves us enough to answer them, if only we pay attention?

* * * * *

Paying attention to the gifts...

119:: a serendipitous moment resulting in an online chat with a dearly missed friend in Africa.

120:: God's love, even when I feel unlovable.

121:: heart-shaped ice cubes.

122:: Mom wanting to fly across the country to be with me for my birthday... even if it didn't work out.

123:: my birthday present from Mom & Dad arriving six days early, and the anticipation of waiting to open it.
124:: pretty party favors hanging in my kitchen.

125:: an awesome job at a church I love.

126:: anticipating a visit from a dear friend.

127:: all the friends who ate and laughed and loved at my Welcome To Spring party. {Yummy cake courtesy of Lyndsay, who rocks!}

128:: receiving the cookbook that I have wanted practically FOREVER! {thank you, Ang!}

129:: birthday gifts: all perfect, every one of them.

130:: beginning the book that two friends have raved about.

131:: laying down to sleep with the echoes of laughter still hanging in the air, remembering all the beautiful moments of the evening.

132:: the reminder to love one another.

133:: a rainy day with one of my closest friends doing all the things that we love to do, talking and laughing through it all.

134:: that sometimes, when I ask a question, God answers right away.

soul health vs. soul neglect

Sitting at Starbucks last night, before my small group arrived, I was going through my Moleskine reporter notebook, reading over notes I had taken at the Leading From a Healthy Soul conference.

In one of the sessions, Mindy Caliguire explained the difference between a healthy soul, and one that has been neglected. Here are the symptoms of each:


Symptoms of soul neglect:

• fear
• defensiveness
• impatience
• lack of love
• lose sight of why we do what we do
• driven-ness
• isolation
• insomnia
• physical symptoms: digestive problems, headaches, etc.
• apathy
• judgmental
  
• rushed
• irritable
• insecurity

Symptoms of soul health:

• joyful composure
• fearless
  
• peace in real time, in all circumstances
• optimism/hope
• humility
• passion
• clarity
• affection for pursuing God
• flexibility
• forgiveness
• gentleness
• kindness
• fresh vision
• supernatural strength
• words of life
• opposite of bitterness

Re-reading this list has been a good wake up call for me. When too many of the first list start to make an appearance in my life, it's time for some 'soul spa' days.

What about you? How's your soul?

gratitude...

Happy Monday!

It was a good, but relatively quiet weekend in my world. There was a good deal of reading, some not enough writing, and my first two whole nights of sleep in almost a week. That alone is enough to have made this a good weekend!

As we live our lives through these days that at times seem so very long, yet are passing by so briskly, I have yet again found myself in one of Rilke's poems. How grateful I am for the wisdom and beauty with which he wrote...

Knots of Our Own Making
{Rainer Maria Rilke, The Book of Hours II, 16}

How surely gravity's law,
strong as an ocean current,
takes hold of even the smallest thing
and pulls it toward the heart of the world.
Each thing—
each stone, blossom, child—
is held in place.
Only we, in our arrogance,
push out beyond what we each belong to
for some empty freedom.
If we surrendered
to earth's intelligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees.
Instead we entangle ourselves
in knots of our own making
and struggle, lonely and confused.
So, like children, we begin again
to learn from the things,
because they are in God's heart;
they have never left him.

#31-59 of my One Thousand Gifts...

31. postponed plans that give the gift of time.

32. an unexpected conversation with a stranger at the laundromat.

33. getting to chat with one of my brothers, even if only for a few minutes.

34. blog comments that encourage and make me smile.

35. the beginning of Lent, and the yearly physical reminder that Easter is coming.

36. having friends that i can email to ask to pray for Jayden's tests.

37. the friend who emailed me back to say i could count on her to pray & that she loved me.

38. another friend's sweet response that brought tears to my eyes.

39. and another beautiful friend.

40. and another.

41. and another.

42. all the amazing, encouraging, beautiful friends that God has blessed me with.

43. tests done in good time, a hungry little boy & a trip to McDonald's.

44. the unusual ability to keep my mouth firmly closed when nothing but sarcasm was going to come out.

45. the blissful peace of a Friday night at home.

46. turning the first few pages of a Cara Black Parisian mystery novel.

47. finishing that same book the next day.

48. getting a dreaded chore done before 10:00 am

49. homemade potato cheddar soup.

50. finally getting an entire night's sleep.

51. re-reading a book and being more moved and challenged the second time.

52. trusting that no matter what news this week brings, God is still God, still in control, still love.

53. overripe bananas that sacrificed themselves to become banana praline pecan biscotti and blueberry banana bread.
54. reconnecting with a friend through laughter and tears.

55. being able to share some of my stupidest moments and knowing my friend will still love me.

56. birds singing in the tree outside.

57. my parents.

58. Rilke's poetry.

59. the grace to begin again.

community in a pizza box

given my lack of cable TV, the fact that i think Matt Lauer is pretty, and the day doesn't feel like it can begin until i hear the opening music of the Today Show, every weekday morning, i download the previous day's podcast, and watch the Today Show from the day before.

i guess, more accurately, i watch the Yesterday Show.

while it's not a perfect situation— i do get my news some 24 hours after the rest of the world— i make the best of it by figuring that at least i get the news... and to see Matt.

earlier this week {on a Matt-less episode}, i heard the story of the pizza delivery driver who noticed that one of their customers, an 82-year old woman who has ordered a pizza every day for three years, hadn't ordered anything for a few days. immediately the driver was concerned, clocked out of her job, and went to check on the woman.

when she got no response at the house, she called 911. paramedics found the woman lying on the floor, unable to contact anyone to help her.

now some might hear this and wonder why on earth this woman had been eating pizza every day for three years. that's a question for another day. what is sticking in my mind is that the pizza delivery person cared enough for someone on the periphery of her life, to put everything else on hold to find out what was going on.

which has lead me to a slew of questions i am asking myself... how soon would i notice if someone in my life dropped out of communication? are the people that God has given me to care about okay? how would i know if they weren't? and on and on...

it's easy to get caught up in my own daily problems. these days, there seems to be more than i can sanely handle as it is. but the amount of madness and activity in my own life does not let me off the hook when it comes to those in my community that God has given me to care about.

paying attention is harder than it sometimes seems it should be. paying attention means putting aside all that distracts me and focusing on something that needs attention. it means hearing stories that may be painful. it means not choosing to ignore, even when ignoring seems like all you can handle.

i will admit, in these past few months, i have had tunnel vision when it comes to my family, and not much beyond that has crept into view. but expecting all the tough situations to evaporate before i can give others my focus is highly unrealistic.

it's time for me to start paying attention again.