Good Words {#191-206}

Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. —Proverbs 12:25

I love how this verse perfectly explains the power that one person's well-placed words can have on a heavy heart.

I can think back to times when my own heart was heavy and anxiety-ridden, and a few simple words from a friend, or even a stranger, made what was seemingly impossible to carry a bit easier, a bit lighter.

Too often, only the negative gets expressed in our culture. There seems to be no shortage of people and words designed to correct us, chastise us, or tell us what someone else thinks we are doing wrong...

...or nothing gets said. When something positive comes to mind that I could say, too often I choose not to, thinking that the other person probably doesn't need to hear what I have to say, or will think that I am a creeper, or just weird.

But as I sit here over my bowl of Cheerios, to my recollection, no kind, heart-lightening words ever spoken to me—by friend or stranger—was ever unneeded, ever unwanted.

Not one.

And if I could use some good words in my life, then chances are, so do those around me.

"In life you can never be too kind or too fair; everyone you meet is carrying a heavy load." —Brian Tracy

* * * * *

I am thankful for...

191:: the end of fireworks and the beginning of sleep!

192:: the first read of what has become a new favorite book, full of love, wonder and hope.

193:: a few days of quiet and rest to regain what I had lost.

194:: having both cotton puffs and ear drop to fight off an ear infection.

195:: the fact that wisdom isn't hidden, but still must be sought after.

196:: finally booking our flight to Paris!

197:: getting a room at my very favorite hotel in the world—the only place in Paris I have ever stayed.
198:: getting to now actually plan the trip. {130 days!}

199:: D & L getting some great news about Jayden, and the fact that he doesn't need to have radiation.

200:: a raspberry white chocolate scone from Kate's Bakery.201:: two words of life: Cafe Americano.

202:: time spent with a good friend, sharing our lives.

203:: making pie crust for the first time, and the fact that it actually worked! {no more fear!}

204:: that my parents are living a dream and are going to Ireland.

205:: for a job that I love, and the excitement to get back to it this morning.

206:: for all the kind words ever spoken to me—in person, electronically, on paper—and how they lifted my heart when I needed it.

As Each Day Requires {#178-190}

"Christ... is always there at the door of our souls, wanting to enter in, though he does not force our consent. If we agree to his entry, he enters; directly we cease to want him, he is gone. We cannot bind our will today for tomorrow; we cannot make a pact with him that tomorrow he will be with us, even in spite of ourselves. Our consent to his presence is the same as his presence. Consent is an act. It can only be actual, that is to say in the present. We have not been given a will that can be applied to the future." —Simone Weil

You know those times when it seems like God is trying to get you to pay attention to something, and in your humanness, you either write it off to coincidence, ignore it for the diversion of whatever is in front of you, or you just simply don't get it?

Yeah, I'm having one of those times.

My favorite Moleskine journal happens to be my very first one. Christmas 2006, my friend Ang gave me a Moleskine Plain Reporter's Notebook, and with that fantastic gift, my love of all things Moleskine was born. In this notebook, over the years, I have a collection of words—not only mine, but quotes of others, sermon notes, song lyrics, meeting notes—and even the occasional illustration or doodle. This journal contains my very favorite of things that I never want to leave home without.

When I was wandering through the journal last week, I once again was taken by the above Simone Weil quote... and this idea that we only have today.

This is something I struggle with. When I begin something, I want to know that I have the ability/resources/will power/ whatever to be able to continue doing something for the rest of my life. In my mind, if it is worth doing right now, it is worth doing forever... and conversely, if I cannot do it forever, then why should I bother doing it right now?

I also like to live in the future, to dream of the good things to come. A visit with my family, a new book, wandering the streets of Paris... somehow these things become much more delightful to dream about than whatever I am supposed to be focused on right now.

Ridiculous, right?!

Then in yesterday's Life Journal readings, I read Solomon's speech as the temple was completed, and noticed this in 1 Kings...

"Let these words of mine, which I have pleaded before the Lord, be near to the Lord our God day and night, that he may maintain the cause of his servant and the cause of his people Israel, as each day requires, the peoples of the earth may know that the Lord is God; there is no other. Let your heart therefore be wholly true to the Lord our God, walking in his statutes and keeping his commandments, as at this day." {vs. 59-61, italics mine}

As each day requires. Solomon, in all his wisdom, understood what Simone Weil also got, that all we have is today.

Each day must be lived on its own. I cannot change the past, I cannot manipulate the future, the only thing I have in my hands is today, this moment. This is the place, the arena, the playground where I can make the good choices, make a difference, make my mark, make my stand, make a life.

Here—today—is where I live.

The gifts I count today...

178:: homemade strawberry scones baking in the oven.

179:: the smell of freshly cut grass.

180:: waking in the gently falling rain.

181:: poetry. all poetry.

182:: seeing an opportunity to help a stranger, taking it, and seeing the gratitude in eyes I will never see again.

183:: super fun paper clips!

184:: holiday weekends, the chance to slow down.

185:: a steaming cup of tea on a cool, rainy evening.

186:: attempting a new slow cooker recipe, and having it be a success.

187:: hearing Jayden sing in the background while I talked to his dad on the phone.

188:: a telephone conversation with Nicky, the birthday boy, hearing how grown up he sounds, and simultaneously how funny he is.

189:: getting a chance to talk to Loralie.

190:: for today...for all that today will hold, all that it won't hold, and the grace to live it to the full.

Guardians of the Soul {#158}

Confession: I set my alarm clock, got up early, and watched the royal wedding on Friday.

The way I saw it, having 'attended' Prince William's mother's wedding in the same manor 30 years ago, I felt it only right that this sparse, although long-standing tradition be continued.

The one thing that most struck me, in the deluge of information that came at the world through the lens of the media, was a photo released on Wednesday, of Kate and her sister/main of honor Pippa leaving their home, and driving to London for the big day. Photos captured them smiling, looking comfortable in each other's company, as they headed towards all that lay ahead.

When I saw those photos, I started to feel sad for the late Princess Diana. Thirty years ago, the hours preceding her wedding weren't filled with laughter with a friend. She had no equal in age as her maid of honor, just a bunch of children as bridesmaids. A friend, who is an avid royal watcher, told me that in the 24 hours before the 1981 wedding, Diana was alone at Clarence House, her last meal as a single woman was served to her on a tray by a maid. She didn't even receive a phone call from her soon-to-be groom.

You can think all you want—or don't want—about Britain's royal family, but no matter how you feel about them, I cannot imagine anyone thinking that this was a good way to begin what was supposed to be a happy, fairytale-ish, new life.

All these thoughts came the same day as Life Journal reflections about David and Jonathan's friendship. It all started with these words of David in a Psalm...

Look to the right and see:
there is no one who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
no one cares for my soul.

—Psalm 142:4

You can feel the pain in David's words. While I am not sure of the timing, either David would be missing his friend Jonathan because of Saul's madness, or Jonathan's own death. Either way, how David's heart must have ached for the friend of whom he said in 2 Samuel 1:28b (ESV), "your love to me was extraordinary". It was clear that even among all the mighty men that David was surrounded by, he did not find Jonathan's equal.

It is easy to find others with things in common. It is also easy to believe that an actual friendship can be had with someone, even if you only ever see their face on a monitor. But a friend who 'cares for your soul'? This is a much more rare and beautiful gift.

The poet Rilke wrote,

I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other. —Rainer Maria

Basically, to care for each other's soul.

I am so blessed to have friends who care for my soul. From the friendship that celebrates its 20th anniversary this year, to those the have come into my life more recently, but are no less vital. Beautiful women of God who not only care for my soul, but allow me the privilege of caring for theirs as well.

Without a doubt, I know that the night before I marry my own prince—should that day ever arrive—I will not be alone, but will be surrounded by my beautiful friends and family, caring for my soul as always.

And if one of them wants to serve me dinner on a tray, I don't think I will object too strongly!

* * * * *

Although there is only one thing on today's list, it is a big one, and should encompass many more than one...

I am grateful for...

158:: the friends, the guardians of my soul, who so enrich my life, laugh with me, hold me together when life falls apart, and make my world a much better place.

the gift that is laughter {#135-157}

If you've never heard me rave about my niece and nephews, only one thing can be true: we haven't met.

Having never been married, and therefore never had children of my own, my heart is made complete by the fact that my brothers have had the most perfect children in the world in the form of the one girl and six—almost seven—boys that they have brought into our family. Since my family all lives out in the wild and wintery west, there isn't much that could begin to tempt me to move my big city life in that direction, but when my oldest nephew Nicky asks me when I am going to come to visit him, it's hard to not drop everything and run for the suitcase.

One of the greatest things about my family is that we laugh. Not any polite, gentle kind of laughter, but the kind of laughter that makes both your throat and stomach hurt afterward. The kind that involves snorting. And milk flying from noses. The good kind.

Recently my sister-in-law, Loralie, has posted some conversations she and my brother have had with the kids, the two boys in particular, on Facebook, that have left me smiling, and just plain laughing out loud. Especially the last one, which I may have peed just a little when I read it the first time. {My poor niece Megan seems to have gotten caught in the cross-fire here, but being the only girl in a family riddled with boys is something that I understand only too well, and I know it will only make her stronger in the end :-) }

What an amazing gift it is that laughter can be passed down through the generations...

Jayden: Daddy can I have more whip cream?

Dad: Just hold on a second. 

Jayden: Daddy can I have more whip cream?

Dad: I'll get it in a second...just wait please.
Jayden: Daddy can I have more whip cream?

Dad: Jayden. I said you needed to wait! Please stop asking.

Jayden: I wasn't asking. I was just singing...."Dad-dy can you pleeease get meeee more whip creeeeeam" (in a singing voice)

* * * * *

Jayden: "I think God is talking to Megan."
Lor: "What is he saying?"

Jayden: "Beeeeeee patient"
Lor: (laughing) "Yes Jayden. I think you are right!"

* * * * *


This conversation happened during Nicky's math while Lor was explaining how every set in math is a group of shapes with the same attribute.
Lor: You, Daddy and Jayden could be a set. What attribute do you all have the same?

Nicky: We all have brown eyes.

Lor: Right! Megan and I could be in the same set too. Why?

Nicky: Because you both have anger issues.*

* in defense of my sister-in-law and niece, neither of them actually have anger issues!

* * * * * * * * * *

So grateful for...

135:: being wished a happy birthday eve.

136:: the knowledge that even receiving potential bad news about the unborn nephew doesn't change God's character; He is still love, He still deals in the miraculous, He is not limited by human wisdom or imagination; He can still do the impossible; He still heals.

137:: an early morning phone call to wish me a happy birthday.

138:: all the many phone calls, texts, Facebook messages and Tweets that made me smile and feel loved.

139:: phone call from my oldest brother.

140:: messages from baby brother and sister-in-law.

141:: the friend who sang over and over again!

142:: the friends who took me to Panera for lunch.

143:: the friend who made me laugh at the number I wasn't even able to say!

144:: chocolate cupcakes hanging on my door handle when I got home.

145:: the gift that reminds me that I am loved. {thanks Mom & Dad!}
146:: clean, lavender-smelling sheets as I lay down to sleep and dream of the beautiful day that it was.

147:: a late-night phone call from the brother, the niece and nephew; Nicky asking me when I was going to come visit him.

148:: that I serve a God who sees me. {Psalm 31:7}

149:: the simple fact that the God who never should have died, faced death, so that we—for whom death was inevitable—wouldn't have to.

150:: waking up early on a day when you don't have to.

151:: rooibos provence tea during Life Journal time.

152:: the privilege of being able to use my gifts in a worship service.

153:: for the lessons only silence can teach.

154:: holiday lunches with good friends.

155:: having a weekend where someone else—actually the same person!—cooked for me twice! {thanks, friend}

156:: having a friend that you can always count on to laugh with you.

157:: that the sense of humor can be passed down through the generations...

Abundance {#119-134}

I laughed this morning.

Sitting by myself at the kitchen table, doing my Life Journal, I laughed as I read God's word.

It all began years ago...

More than a few years ago, while attending the Leadership Summit, I was privileged to hear Tim Sanders speak on the topic of scarcity vs. abundance. Scarcity being believing that there is not enough to go around, while Mr. Sanders defines the law of abundance as believing that there is always enough to go around.

I've been thinking about that session of the LS lately, since I have noticed that scarcity thinking has become more and more prevalent in my life... and it is not a good thing. This crept-in belief is slowly poisoning my outlook, from knowing that with Jesus, I have all that I truly need, to thinking that in order to be good, to be happy, I need more. Something else. And this scarcity thinking has me making bad decisions, rash decisions, and not being myself.

Back to today...

It began probably ten minutes earlier. After I got up and was gathering what I would need for the morning quiet time, I was thinking on this scarcity thing, and I thought to myself, "How does a person get beyond scarcity? What do I need to do to get myself out of this?"

I left the question hanging in the air as I opened my Bible for today's readings. When I got to Psalm 34, verse 9, that is when the laughter hit.

Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack! {vs. 9}

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

There, in black and white print was the answer to my question. And in case I may have doubted it, or thought it seemed a little too obscure, David, the Psalmist, went on...

The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, O children, listen to me;

I will teach you the fear of the Lord.

What man is there who desires life

and loves many days, that he may see good?

Keep your tongue from evil

and your lips from speaking deceit.

Turn away from evil and do good;

seek peace and pursue it.

Could my question have been answered any better had I had an actual audience with my God in His throne room?

Sure, the answer isn't easy, and I know that I have some work cut out for me—as I seek hard after God, pursue peace instead of more, and rid myself of the lies that I have been believing for too long—but how amazing is it that when we ask our questions, He hears them, and loves us enough to answer them, if only we pay attention?

* * * * *

Paying attention to the gifts...

119:: a serendipitous moment resulting in an online chat with a dearly missed friend in Africa.

120:: God's love, even when I feel unlovable.

121:: heart-shaped ice cubes.

122:: Mom wanting to fly across the country to be with me for my birthday... even if it didn't work out.

123:: my birthday present from Mom & Dad arriving six days early, and the anticipation of waiting to open it.
124:: pretty party favors hanging in my kitchen.

125:: an awesome job at a church I love.

126:: anticipating a visit from a dear friend.

127:: all the friends who ate and laughed and loved at my Welcome To Spring party. {Yummy cake courtesy of Lyndsay, who rocks!}

128:: receiving the cookbook that I have wanted practically FOREVER! {thank you, Ang!}

129:: birthday gifts: all perfect, every one of them.

130:: beginning the book that two friends have raved about.

131:: laying down to sleep with the echoes of laughter still hanging in the air, remembering all the beautiful moments of the evening.

132:: the reminder to love one another.

133:: a rainy day with one of my closest friends doing all the things that we love to do, talking and laughing through it all.

134:: that sometimes, when I ask a question, God answers right away.

grace & white space {#91-107}

it's too easy to define your life solely by the things you do not have. by those things that somehow, along the way, you had dreamed or wished you would have, but for whatever reason, simply have not arrived.

• a spouse
• children
• the 'right' home
• good friends
• the dream job
• any job
• good health
• {insert whatever it is you want but don't have}

it's far too easy to rehearse that list, and if one is not careful, they can begin to see their life solely in the context of what it isn't, of what is lacking.

as a graphic designer, i am a huge proponent of the concept of 'white space', which is leaving a portion of what you are designing blank and unmarked. instead of filling space up with more text or graphics, leaving white space creates room within the design, and allows the important elements that are on the page to breathe, and speak to the reader.

by not filling up the page, what is important can clearly be seen.

perhaps that is why God doesn't give us all the things that our hearts desire. maybe that is why he doesn't fill our lives so full of everything... because what, then, would we truly value? how would we know what was most important?

i cannot help but be grateful for the things that i wished for that didn't arrive, and the beautiful life it has afforded me...

...and for all the gifts, unexpected and rediscovered, that God does give me, and the grace to be able to count them.

* * * * *

i am so grateful for...

91. The blank cheque of hope, knowing that whatever I am waiting for, God is still the same.

92. The smell of fresh coffee grinding at Starbucks.

93. The fact that the things that happen to me are not my life, and all the lessons we are learning from Ecclesiastes.

94. Celebrating nephews who share the same birthday.

95. The privilege of walking through life with some amazing young women of God.

96. Spring cherry green tea on a morning when coffee won't do.

97. Sharing licorice babies with co-workers.

98. That no matter what the question is, hope in God is the answer.

99. Meeting with a friend over pink cupcakes to discuss what God is saying to each of us.

100. A Friday afternoon field trip to St. Jacobs—and starting the weekend early.

101. Find a beautiful new Lug—and having the self-control not to buy yet another one!

102. A pretty, floral-y scarf that feels amazing wrapped around me neck—and, apparently, makes my eyes look bluer.

103. The scrapbook mom made me of our trip to NYC, and sharing it with friends, old and new.

104. Watching Marie Antoinette with B & M over quiche and cupcakes.

105. Getting my first massage, and the friend in massage therapy school who made me homework!

106. My nephew N who asked his mother to have the pastors pray for his brother, J {who has been in a wheelchair since the discovery of tumors/cancer in December}, because N wants to go for a hike with J next week. N said to his mother, "God healed him before and He can do it again... I know it!"

107. How the faith of a child reminds me that sometimes I think and believe too much like a grown up.

grace & poetry

There are days when it is easier than others to be grateful.

Some days, I find that I cannot write my gratitude gifts down in my Field Notes booklet fast enough. Other days, it seems that the blank page taunts me.

What I have learned, however, is that the days when nothing comes easy, those are the days that I most need to be grateful, that I most need to remember the good.

This week, with the advent of great news {see #62-64}, there is much to be grateful for. One of those things is a little poetry book I've been reading that simply makes my heart happy. And it fits perfectly in with this day of giving thanks...

Psalm For The January Thaw, Part 2.
—Luci Shaw, Harvesting Fog, p. 14,15

Glory be to God for changes. For bulbs
breaking the darkness with their green beaks.
For moles and moths and velvet green moss
waiting to fill the driveway cracks. For the way
the sun pierces the window minutes earlier each day.
For earthquakes and tectonic plates—earth's bump
and grind—and new mountains pushing up
like teeth in a one-year-old. For melodrama—
lightning on the sky stage, and the burst of applause
that follows. Praise him for day and night, and light
switches by the door. For seasons, for cycles
and bicycles, for whales and waterspouts,
for watersheds and waterfalls and waking
and the letter W, for the waxing and waning
of weather so that we never get complacent. For all
the world, and for the way it twirls on its axis
like an exotic dancer. For the north pole and the
south pole and the equator and everything between.

More grace gifts... {#60-78}

60. friends who come and sit and laugh and eat chocolate cake with you when you are down.

61. finding the perfect pair of jeans—on sale!

62. a lunch time phone call that brought good brilliant news.

63. tumors on Jayden's spine, breastbone and skull are gone... and the two that remain are smaller!

64. bone regeneration in his little body—even during chemotherapy!

65. that God thinks about me. {Ps. 40:17}

66. getting to hear what God is saying to the people I work with every Wednesday.

67. planning a Welcome To Spring party.

68. turning the last page on a book that has been nothing but a blessing.

69. a comfortable, albeit messy home, to rest in when one is not feeling well.

70. english breakfast tea in a beautiful cup.

71. a full house at Starbucks that forced us to have coffee at the place we usually reserve for special occasions.

72. heating pad on cold days.

73. a hand massage.

74. the trilogy that reminds us that no matter how much bad happens, good will win in the end.

75. beginning a book I have long wanted to read.

76. herbes de Provence olive oil.

77. peanut butter and homemade strawberry jam on toast.

78. the friend whose birthday it is today. {happy, happy day, Merrilee!}

thinking of you...

From yesterday's Life Journal...

You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts towards us... As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. —Psalm 40:5, 17 ESV

Since the devastation form the earthquake and tsunami in Japan, one of the most frequently seen Twitter and Facebook status updates has been, 'my thoughts and prayers are with Japan', or something similar. Last Friday, @donmilleris, no doubt having seen many of the same updates, Tweeted, "If anything bad happens to me, I can't use your thoughts but I could use your prayers."

While initially I laughed, I believe he is wrong. What else spurs action and compassion but our thoughts?

Since December 3, some of the things that have meant the most to me, touched my soul most profoundly, have been seemingly random emails, notes and gifts, all that were precipitated by someone's thoughts for me and my family.

And while all this is good, there is something so grace-filled and perfect about God thinking of me. With the billions of people on a planet so filled with pain and injustice and tragedy, to think that my God thinks about me, even—or especially—when I am needy, is a beautiful grace.

I don't believe there has ever been another time of my life when I have needed this more. This knowledge that my God has thoughts for me, has cared for me in so very many ways, and even uses the thoughts of others to bless me, is a gift I will always cherish.

And more than cherish, it makes me want to act more on the thoughts that I have for the people in my life.

This is my prayer...

gratitude...

Happy Monday!

It was a good, but relatively quiet weekend in my world. There was a good deal of reading, some not enough writing, and my first two whole nights of sleep in almost a week. That alone is enough to have made this a good weekend!

As we live our lives through these days that at times seem so very long, yet are passing by so briskly, I have yet again found myself in one of Rilke's poems. How grateful I am for the wisdom and beauty with which he wrote...

Knots of Our Own Making
{Rainer Maria Rilke, The Book of Hours II, 16}

How surely gravity's law,
strong as an ocean current,
takes hold of even the smallest thing
and pulls it toward the heart of the world.
Each thing—
each stone, blossom, child—
is held in place.
Only we, in our arrogance,
push out beyond what we each belong to
for some empty freedom.
If we surrendered
to earth's intelligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees.
Instead we entangle ourselves
in knots of our own making
and struggle, lonely and confused.
So, like children, we begin again
to learn from the things,
because they are in God's heart;
they have never left him.

#31-59 of my One Thousand Gifts...

31. postponed plans that give the gift of time.

32. an unexpected conversation with a stranger at the laundromat.

33. getting to chat with one of my brothers, even if only for a few minutes.

34. blog comments that encourage and make me smile.

35. the beginning of Lent, and the yearly physical reminder that Easter is coming.

36. having friends that i can email to ask to pray for Jayden's tests.

37. the friend who emailed me back to say i could count on her to pray & that she loved me.

38. another friend's sweet response that brought tears to my eyes.

39. and another beautiful friend.

40. and another.

41. and another.

42. all the amazing, encouraging, beautiful friends that God has blessed me with.

43. tests done in good time, a hungry little boy & a trip to McDonald's.

44. the unusual ability to keep my mouth firmly closed when nothing but sarcasm was going to come out.

45. the blissful peace of a Friday night at home.

46. turning the first few pages of a Cara Black Parisian mystery novel.

47. finishing that same book the next day.

48. getting a dreaded chore done before 10:00 am

49. homemade potato cheddar soup.

50. finally getting an entire night's sleep.

51. re-reading a book and being more moved and challenged the second time.

52. trusting that no matter what news this week brings, God is still God, still in control, still love.

53. overripe bananas that sacrificed themselves to become banana praline pecan biscotti and blueberry banana bread.
54. reconnecting with a friend through laughter and tears.

55. being able to share some of my stupidest moments and knowing my friend will still love me.

56. birds singing in the tree outside.

57. my parents.

58. Rilke's poetry.

59. the grace to begin again.

gratitude list {#1-#30}

even when you love your job, there are times, when the alarm heralds that the new week has arrived, that you simply want to hurl the offending thing across the room, roll over, and finding a cool spot on the pillow, pretend that it really isn't true.

but it is. and each day is a gift.

including mondays, when i'm tired, didn't get everything i wanted to done on the weekend, and would trade my coffeemaker for more sleep.

today is a gift.

thanks to Ann Voskamp, and her book One Thousand Gifts {i hope you're not tired of me mentioning this book, because i'm certainly not tired of it yet!}, i have begun counting my own one thousand gifts… one thousand gifts from God that i am grateful for.

each monday, i will share my updated list with you.

here we go…

#1-30 of my very own One Thousand Gifts...

1. hearing a little boy say, 'i love you…' for the first time ever.

2. a comfortable old wool sweater that feels like a friend.

3. sitting at Starbucks alone, knowing that shortly friends will join me.
4. seeing an old couple walk down the street hand in hand.

5. old ladies of great faith who are not afraid to kick my butt spiritually when i need it.

6. khakis that fit perfectly.

7. candles and tea during Life Journal & morning pages.
8. snow falling perfectly.

9. vanilla rooibus tea latte.

10. a friend who goes out of her way to make my life easier.

11. the sun going behind the clouds, creating an unexpected haven of shade.

12. a swift, much-needed wake-up call to a major problem in the world.

13. "Monet Refuses the Operation", a poem by Lisel Mueller.

14. the quiet moments of a new day.

15. knowing that i have enough.

16. friends who help when i am down.

17. a clean kitchen table to start the day with Jesus at.

18. working crazy hard and getting everything done.

19. lunch & laughter.

20. planning a trip to Paris.

21. dad coming home from his missions trip safely.

22. a new Bible to learn from.

23. bananas ripe enough to become something even more yummy.

24. the person outside shoveling a snowy path for me.

25. awakenings—both slow and swift.

26. homemade strawberry jam.

27. a Jane Austen movie night with fellow JA lovers.

28. an unexpected and delightful lunch date.

29. sunday afternoon naps.

30. the time to start and finish a book in one weekend.

gifts

so many things run into each other, crashing, bumping and moving around in my mind. like bumper cars.

hit and bounce.

move on.

hit and bounce.

hit and bounce.

people, more importantly friends, i believe, come into our lives at times when we most need them. i've seen it happen time and again throughout my 16,000 plus days. so, for someone who sees books as friends, the arrival of Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts has been a welcomed addition to my life.

a well-timed, beautifully written book can help clarify all that seems muddled and jumbled and impossibly tangled in my mind. and the combination of this book, studying Ecclesiastes with my small group, and good friends who listen as i try to detangle everything going on in my mind has made the last few days a gift.

not a completely pain-free gift, but a gift nonetheless.

but even as i read and pray and talk, recognizing the wisdom here, i realize that one cannot swallow it all whole and expect to live it out from that moment on perfectly. wisdom doesn't work that way. not much that is truly important in life does.

"For all real answers, don't they come in strata, gradations of understanding? —Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

for all the important things in life, time is the necessary ingredient. time to work it out, live it out, let the gift of wisdom seep into your soul and change you from the inside out.

so all these gifts, these words—written, spoken and prayed—are my companions through this season of too much silence, not enough answers, and a renewed discovery of grace.

my heart is filled with gratitude...

merry early

christmas has arrived early in my world.