home again

tonight i am back home after spending four days in calgary for john & cathy's wedding, and i cannot decide if it is a good thing, or otherwise.

of course, being back to work tomorrow will be good, although, given the hyper-activity of the last few days, i am feeling a bit ill-prepared for what is surely awaiting me. but, much to my chagrin, derek seems to be right...it gets harder to leave the kids every time i head back home. there really is nothing else in my world like the smile on nicky's face when he sees me & yells 'aunt suzi!'

how is it possible to have your heart pulled in so many different directions?

once again, however, rilke has summed up my life with his poetry, and with this, i will head off to sleep:
Out of infinite longings rise
finite deeds like weak fountains,
falling back just in time and trembling.
And yet, what otherwise remains silent,
our happy energies—show themselves
in these dancing tears.


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