control issues

in today's my utmost for his highest reading, oswald chambers says that,
even the very smallest thing that we allow in our lives that is not under the control of the Holy Spirit is completely sufficient to account for spiritual confusion...
'even the very smallest thing...' so, i asked myself, what are those areas that i have not allowed the Holy Spirit to control, and lo and behold, they are the areas of my life that are a mess.

coincidence? i don't think so.

there are so many reasons that i have for not giving up control. feeling that i should be able to 'fix' my own life. giving up control seems like weakness. being a single woman living on my own, i feel the need to take care of myself. but the worst, and probably the most prevalent reason, is fear.

i really hate the fact that there are parts of my life so affected by fear, that it keeps me from completely trusting God. and the crazy thing is that this fear does not affect all of my life. i will go to a country where i don't speak the language, and know that God is with me and will take care of me, but at night, when i'm lying in the safety of my own bed, i find myself too often scheming up ways of taking care of some small need in my life, just in case God doesn't come through as i want him to, or when i want him to.

so, how does one resolve their long-standing control issues? i suppose just one minute at a time within the context of an examined life.


Post a Comment


Total Pageviews