Advent

fifteen years ago this morning my Gram called up the stairs to ask if i wanted to look at the papers. ten minutes later my Grampa yelled up to me to let the paramedics in. in those short ten minutes, Gram—best friend, staunchest supporter, my own personal prayer warrior—left this life for the next.

suddenly, for the first time in my life, eternity never seemed so far away.

and i was left here, waiting, to see her again.

recently, others joined her. in the past 15 months, Grampa, Uncle Sylvio, and only last month Uncle Jerry, have all left gaping holes in the horizon of our family.

as the first week of this Advent season heads into the second, i've been reflecting on the theme of the season: waiting.

we are always waiting for something.

        for an appointment.
        a bus.
        our turn.
        a visit from a faraway friend.
        a dream to come true.
        to be healed.

yes, always waiting for something.

we do our best, however, to convince ourselves that we're not waiting. we are so very clever at diverting ourselves, focusing our attention on the things that we can make happen, filling the holes in our lives with all the things we can, convincing ourselves that in spite of what we don't have, we are still, somehow, complete.

and then, there is Advent.

these days celebrating the fact that in reality we don't have what we need to complete ourselves. that on our own, we are incomplete. that the baby in the manger wasn't only suppose to fulfill prophecy, but was also meant to fill our hearts. round us out, to be the people we are always destined to be.

and Advent also reminds us that while we are on this side of eternity, we will always be waiting—waiting see our Savior face to face, waiting to see ourselves fully in God's eyes, and yes, waiting to see those who have gone on before us.

so, this morning i miss my Gram, and so many others. but as i wait to see them again, i will embrace the waiting, letting it remind me that i am not yet complete, that i need this baby Savior, and that while i am alive, there is still so much for me to do while i wait.

and so i wait...