Simple ≠ Easy

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. —Psalm 39:7

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. —Psalm 42:11

The questions in these verses remind me of that old Johnny Carson skit where he wore a turban and held a piece of paper to his forehead with an answer on it. When the question was revealed, the answer was most always hilarious.

But while they all were similarly funny, for these questions posed by the Psalmists, Johnny would only need one card, and on it would be written, Hope in God.

What about cancer in a little body? Hope in God.

Other illness in my family? Hope in God.

Things not turning out as I'd planned? Hope in God.

The turbulence in the world? Hope in God.

Tsunamis, earthquakes, floods...? Hope in God.

Unanswered prayers and unrealized dreams? Hope in God.

It seems simple, almost formulaic, but while the answer is simple, it is far from easy—anything but easy. Standing rock solid on my hope in God, regardless of what I wait for not arriving, regardless of the turmoil going on in and around me, regardless of all the things that would serve to push me off this sometimes tiny foundation of hope, is not easy.

But whoever said that life was going to be easy? Not my mom, and certainly not Jesus... who said, "In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." {John 16:33}

Who better to put our hope in than the One who already faced down the world and won?

weight

while emailing my good friend Alicia this morning, i started to explain to her why sometimes doing the things that i know are good for me are just so darn hard. it's not that i'm lazy, or i don't understand how important these things—writing, exercise, etc.— are. it's actually quite the opposite, i know how vital they are to a healthy me, and paradoxically, the weight of their importance, at time, cripples me.

when i am about to embark on something good for me, be it writing or working out or whatever, it is never just a single event in my mind. somehow my brain takes that event and turns it into something bigger. as though if it is worth my time to do today, then surely, here and now, i must make a commitment to do this good thing every day for the rest of my natural-born life. merely doing it once would be a 'why bother?'

then, the weight of a lifetime of said good thing starts to wear and feel incredibly daunting. the fatigue that plagues my mind as it attempts to wrap itself around this heavy commitment, and all the other things i will never do because i will be doing this forever, makes me want to go take a nap... which is not very conducive to getting anything done.

my challenge, it seems, is to not put added weight onto the daily tasks that i need and want to do. the writing i do today, is the by-product of today, not the rest of my life. walking to work is merely a 25-minute jaunt. not 25 minutes times 365 days times how many more years i will live. first off, i probably couldn't do the math, but no one can expect to live a lifetime in one day.

i only have to be faithful and disciplined for today. for right now.

and deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

beginnings

as i am sure you've noticed by my lack of posts, i am having a difficult time getting back into the swing of things. a busy christmas season followed by a very busy nine days with the family, throw in a two hour time difference, and 2010 has not seen the early riser that i know i can be.

so in this, my first post of the year... decade, even, i would be greatly remiss if i didn't begin with a quote from one of my two favorite men—writers, of course.

this is from a relatively new book called A Year with Rilke: Daily Readings from the Best of Rainer Maria Rilke. this is the reading from january 1.

i choose to begin
ranier maria rilke

i love all beginnings, despite their anxiousness and their uncertainty, which belong to every commencement. if i have earned a pleasure or reward, or if i wish that something had not happened; if i doubt the worth of an experience and remain in my past—then i choose to begin at this very second.

begin what? i begin. i have already thus begun a thousand lives.

the day is over...

the clock on my computer says 10:58 pm right now. i'll have to trust that it is true, as the clock in my bedroom has some other number on it... a number designed to shock me awake when the annoying noise that comes out of it at 5am. don't ask me why, but this cheap manipulation works daily on my sleep-riddled brain. if nothing else, i am thrown awake as my mind tries to do the computations necessary to see how much longer i could sleep...

perhaps i would enjoy mornings if the first thing i tried to do wasn't math.

all this to say, the day is over. in less than six hours i need to wake up to catch a bus to go across town to the office. they say that soon this will change, and i will once again have my pleasant 20 minute walk to the church back. i am trying hard not to believe it, as if the date changes, i am unsure i will be able to handle it with much, if any, grace.

even though i very well know the bible's standpoint on trials, how they are perseverance and character builders for starters, tonight i will admit that i want it all to go away.

so, as i shut down my netbook and start the long process of falling asleep, i will be thankful that the wisdom of God does not allow the growth-inducing trials in my life to cease merely because i want them too. i will be thankful that God is more concerned with my character development than he is my comfort.

...we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. {Romans 5:3-5}