wasted

you know that tiny, nagging feeling that you get when something isn't exactly right? and try as you might, you cannot name the unrightness that you're feeling... it is hiding around some corner just beyond reach of your brain. finally, this morning i have been able to put a name to what has been haunting me.

my life is filled with people. those i work with, the ones i see at church on sunday, my small group on monday night, the baristas at starbucks, and everywhere in between. people of all walks of life with some of the most amazing stories you could imagine. some have faced loss that would have crippled someone else. some looking into the face of an illness or huge life obstacle, but who have still maintained the love and grace that would cause an outsider to believe nothing could be wrong in their lives.

fascinating, amazing people.

and yet, what i have noticed lately is a growing trend that when two or more people are talking, the most animated discussion tends to be about television, movies or some kind of celebrity faux pas. our most passionate discussions tend to be about people who don't exist... or who don't exist in our world.

the most disturbing part of this trend, to me, is that it is equally the same everywhere, from in line at starbucks, to the water cooler at work, to talk in the foyer after/before worship services on sunday morning. the question of the day seems to have migrated from, 'how are you?' to 'what did you watch?'

people are more than they-- or we-- watch on TV.

when our most passionate and animated conversations happen about Grey's Anatomy, LOST or SYTYCD, what is left for the actual people standing before us? if we use up our best brain power, our best social graces, our best words of praise for what is on a screen, what do we have to offer those who need us to grieve or rejoice or laugh with them? the real people.

what is there left when all our emotions are wasted on what doesn't really exist?

* * * * *

so, my friends, i'll ask you as i'm asking myself:
who are the most important people in your life?
do they know it?
does the rest of the world know it?

speak

there are some books that can only be read over time. Walter Brueggemann's Prayers for a Privileged People is just such a book.

this morning, i read the poem entitled, Salvation Oracles, and felt compelled to share its brilliance with you.

Salvation Oracles by Walter Brueggemann
on reading Isaiah 43:1-5

there is a long list of threats around us:
terror,
cancer,
falling markets,
killing,
other unlike us in all their variety,
loneliness,
shame,
the list goes on and we know it well.

and in the midst of threat of every kind,
you appear among us in your full poers,
in your deep fidelity,
in your amazing compassion.
you speak among us the one word that could matter:
"do not fear."

and we, in our several fearfulnesses, are jarred by your utterance.
on a good day, we know that your sovereign word is true.
so give us good days by your rule,
free enough to rejoice,
open enough to change,
trusting enough to move out of new obedience,
grace enough to be forgiven and then forgive.

we live you your word. speak it to us through the night,
that we may have many good days through your gift.

in praise of nothingness

it is saturday morning.

i have nothing to do.

please reread the previous sentence with as much anticipation and bliss as you can muster, because that is how it was written. i slept in until 7am, which is unthinkable in my world, then stayed in the warm cocoon of my bed to read for a while. after that, i needed a couple of ingredients for something i want to make today (can you guess from the picture?), so i went to the store.

and now, with the exception of making the pie, i have an open day before me. the possibilities are endless...

so, i'll have to talk to you you later because...

...i have nothing to do.

sigh...

yes, i always miss paris. it is true. but there are days when the homesickness is stronger than others.

on those days, movies like paris, je t'aime get me through.

this is one of my favorite scenes...

straw

a weird thing happened recently.

the day started out great, in spite of the insane humidity. i got to work early, so i saw no one for the first part of the morning.

and then things started falling apart.

it seemed that i was one of the few having a good day. nearly everyone i spoke to was angry, upset, discouraged, frustrated, tired or just plain down.

by mid-day i had started to feel my good mood waning, and had no idea why. it was only after i got home and started objectively looking at my day did i realize that my own downward spiral was caused simply by the negativity that had been popping in and out of my life all day.

no one, least of all me, likes to think that we are weak-minded enough to be so easily swayed by surroundings, but that day proved that whether or not i want to be susceptible, i am.

but i believe the main problem wasn't the emotions themselves, but the sheer number of them. i cannot remember which one was the proverbial 'straw that broke the camel's back', pushing me into a negative mindset, but i know it was there.

all this has made me re-examine my own propensity for the negative and the cynical, and realize that i have a responsibility to my co-workers and friends to not let the things that tend to drag me down win as often as they do. yes, we all have rough times, and there are things that should frustrate and anger us. but as part of a team, i need to recognize that my mood affects everyone else. {yes, i realize that most learned this in kindergarten, making me a gold medalist in the slow learner catetgory!}

i really don't want to be that last straw, pushing someone else into a place where they didn't want to go.

we all have a responsibility to one another...

review: The Divine Commodity by Skye Jethani

there are some books that you just cannot wait to finish. there are also the ones that you must force yourself to pick up just to read a paragraph.

Skye Jethani's The Divine Commodity is neither.

this book is the kind that you desperately want to devour all you can immediately , but at the same time, you don't want to open it, because you know it will be over way too soon.

i will admit that i was an easy sell on this one. any book involving Vincent van Gogh and his art is pretty much a shoo-in to my library. but couple that with a poignant look at how our consumer culture has infiltrated our lives, our churches, and ultimately our view of God, and i couldn't get this book fast enough.

The Divine Commodity tackles seven different areas that need to be deconstructed, such as our pursuit of pleasure or contentment with segregation, and then ends each chapter with a way we can counteract the effects. using examples from his own ministry experience as well as van Gogh's life, ministry and art, he helps his readers see where in their lives they have drank the kool-aid of consumerism, and what they can do to get out. the antidotes that Jethani recommends to oppose the consumer mindset are timeless and brilliant in their simplicity.

if you are ready to take a much needed look at your life, ministry and church, i cannot more highly recommend this book. and once you read it, i would love to hear your thoughts.

default

there are days when my insecurities seem to actually run the show of my life... and this week has been full of them. at one point it was almost humorous, no sooner had i talked myself off one metaphorical ledge, when something totally different provoked me back onto another.

and i don't even like heights... symbolic or otherwise.

i love how madeleine l'engle's words give us permission to be human, even in all the messiness that is humanity. in her brilliant book, walking on water, she writes,

when we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. but to grow up is to accept vulnerability... to be alive is to be vulnerable.

to be alive is to be vulnerable. there will always be days when life and all life's characters push my insecurity buttons, inadvertently and otherwise. my job is to always look for and believe the truth in a situation and in myself.

as i was walking this morning, i was praying about some of the more challenging characters and situations in my life this week. my prayer ended with these resolutions:

• may my default emotion always be love.
• may my default reaction always grace and truth.

perhaps this will keep me off those allegorical ledges.