just another manic monday

why is it that when we are hurting, having a bad day, or are somewhat inconvenienced we give ourselves licence to do things we would normally never allow ourselves to wander near?

today is an excellent example. i could give you lots of excuses; the headache i've been fighting for five days, the ever-increasing workload, the inequity of the situation...but all of these would be just that. excuses. definitely not anything that would justify the frustratin level i felt and the shortness i had for those involved.

this poem by c.s. lewis so completely sums up how i feel tonight.

all this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
i never had a selfless thought since i was born.
i am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
i want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals i seek,
i cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
i talk of love--a scholar's parrot can talk greek--
but, self-imprisoned, always end where i begin.