seriously?!

this morning, while i was chopping green onions for tuna salad, i caught a bit of news that seems a bit outrageous. apparently elton john is playing in sudbury, and when the tickets went on sale, city councillors got the first crack to buy tickets.

(pause)

do you see the tragedy here? i'm still waiting for it to sink in, but all i can think of is 'Who Cares?!' they are concert tickets! perhaps if they were releasing the cure for AIDS or handing out a million dollars, then i could see the tragedy here.

seriously, people, find something bigger to get angry about. abuse. hunger. poverty. true injustice. then perhaps you won't mind paying for the cheap seats, while you know that the bulk of your money is going to something that will actually bring change.

seriously...

now, if one of those sudbury city councilors tried to cut ahead of me in line at starbucks...

friends

days until i leave for kiev: 25
days until i am in paris: 40
listening: allison crowe's 'secrets'

ah, the first 'family day' in ontario...such peace, such quiet. i've already finished two books today, and am looking forward to getting started on another. perhaps in my world i shall call today 'reading day'. much better suited.

i have long looked at my books as friends...friends who have challenged me, made me laugh or cry, exposed and made me move beyond the selfish comfort that i too often seek. mark twain once wrote, "books are for people who wish they were somewhere else”." i think that this is a pretty accurate assessment of me! paul sweeney also proved he understands when he wrote, "you know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend.”

and sad as it is, at least you can always go back and visit that friend again.

the ironic comedy of being human

only 31 hours ago i was sitting in a room with the rest of PORTICO's staff for our weekly prayer time. the only thing on my mind to pray for, when it came to be my turn, was that we hopelessly frail humans would not see our trials and struggles as bad things that we need to beat or erase from our lives, but rather to see them as God sees them, vehicles to help us grow.

but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (romans 5:3-4)

such a short time ago...and here i sit today, wanting it all to go away. willing to trade perseverance, character and hope for the knowledge that everything will work out okay. i've never been a big fan of pain-induce growth...to be honest, i'm not a fan of pain of any kind. which is why it is a good thing that i am not in control. if i was, i would probably still be safely sitting behind a desk in a credit union, never knowing that some of the best experiences of my life would have vanished like a forgotten dream.

in my first week of work at cameron's christian bookstore, stuart cameron quoted a book he had been reading. he quoted, 'never doubt in the dark what God has told you in the light.' so in this time of unknown, questions and whatever else it holds, i will not doubt what i know to be true. and if i waver, my friends, i ask you to remind me.

p.s. happy freaking valentine's day! fortunately, since i already think this day is useless, one of the 364 good days of the year was not ruined!

running

i haven't written for a while.

there is enough self-awareness in me to know that when i don't write for extended periods of time that the reason i am not writing is a lack of desire to face whatever it is that i am afraid will come out in my words. what cowardice...to be afraid of that which i carry with me wherever i go anyway.

there are times when i feel like i am more playing the role of a grown up than actually being one. as though, one day, someone will realize that the real person inside this 41-year old graphic designer, is the awkward twelve-year old who never felt like she fit in anywhere, who would rather use crayons and paint than a G5 and Wacom tablet.

so, as usual, in times such as these, i have to turn to my good friend, Rilke, to see if he has any wisdom that will help me make sense of my life...and as usual, he has not let me down. i've quoted this one before, and, well, who am i kidding, i will quote this again. it's from his book, The Book of Hours: Love Poems to God, and on nights like these, it helps me sleep.

She who reconciles the ill-matched threads
of her life, and weaves them gratefully
into a single cloth—
it's she who drives the loudmouths from the hall
and clears it for a different celebration

where the one guest is you.
In the softness of evening
it's you she receives.

You are the partner of her loneliness,
the unspeaking center of her monologues.
With each disclosure you encompass more
and she stretches beyond what limits her,
to hold you.