the ironic comedy of being human

only 31 hours ago i was sitting in a room with the rest of PORTICO's staff for our weekly prayer time. the only thing on my mind to pray for, when it came to be my turn, was that we hopelessly frail humans would not see our trials and struggles as bad things that we need to beat or erase from our lives, but rather to see them as God sees them, vehicles to help us grow.
but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (romans 5:3-4)

such a short time ago...and here i sit today, wanting it all to go away. willing to trade perseverance, character and hope for the knowledge that everything will work out okay. i've never been a big fan of pain-induce growth...to be honest, i'm not a fan of pain of any kind. which is why it is a good thing that i am not in control. if i was, i would probably still be safely sitting behind a desk in a credit union, never knowing that some of the best experiences of my life would have vanished like a forgotten dream.

in my first week of work at cameron's christian bookstore, stuart cameron quoted a book he had been reading. he quoted, 'never doubt in the dark what God has told you in the light.' so in this time of unknown, questions and whatever else it holds, i will not doubt what i know to be true. and if i waver, my friends, i ask you to remind me.

p.s. happy freaking valentine's day! fortunately, since i already think this day is useless, one of the 364 good days of the year was not ruined!


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