re-malleable

{i originally wrote and posted this back in 2005. but the quote has been haunting me yet again, so i thought i would update and re-share it with you.}

i love margaret becker's writing. back before she wrote books, her songs haunted me, as though she lived inside my closet, her lyrics echoing all that was going on inside me. when i read her first book, about thirteen years ago, one line of With New Eyes struck me, and has continued to stick with me over the years. it has practically become my mantra.

the most that i could ever hope to be is malleable. someone who actually listens and considers a point. someone who does not see it as a loss to concede their wrongs. someone who is not afraid to change. with change comes the ability to be strong; because when one recognizes their own fallibility, the threat of it is diminished—and the freedom of growth develops. to be wrong is to be free.

the most that i could ever hope for is to be malleable. to this day, this remains my prayer. i am well aware of how stubborn i can be. no one gets called tête de pioche as a child because she is compliant. if left unchecked, that stubborn child makes far too many appearances.

i want to be able to see where i am in the light of where i've come from, all the while envisioning where i still need to go. in short, i want to not be the same tomorrow as i am today. i don't want my relationship with God never to change me. i don't want to be someone who, at best, others tolerate, because i refuse to let myself be changed.

the most i can hope for is to be malleable.

may this always be my prayer.