Truth

How much easier life would be if I could learn a lesson once, and then walk away sufficiently grown and brilliant from that experience, ready for the the next one?

But then, I guess I wouldn't be human. Perhaps I could be Vulcan*, but I have a feeling that being a Vulcan, always so concerned with logic, wouldn't exactly be a party. I guess I will have to stick with humanity.

With everything that has gone on the in the last eight months with my nephew Jayden, you might think that I would be more quick to trust God, less quick to worry.

Unfortunately, if you thought that, you would have been wrong.

Last week, when I went for a pre-surgical check, before the minor surgery I am scheduled to have on my leg tomorrow, the doctor discovered that my blood pressure is high. Dangerously high were her actual words.

Not something that I was expecting.

Then there were other complications, some of which will have to be dealt with today, my last work day before I am off for the surgery.

Again, not something that I had planned.

So, what is a girl to do when all her plans seem to be preempted by intruders?

Well, this girl's first step is to worry. Then, thanks to some well-timed reminders, to pray. And then, this morning, when I pulled out my Life Journal, and let God's Word speak to my mildly turbulent soul, I was reminded that there is always Truth.

And Truth is strong.
Truth does not back down easily from a fight, because it doesn't have to.
That Truth can shine alone in the dark, because it can.
Truth cannot be bullied.
That Truth does not change with the circumstances.

And the Truth is, that God is love. And He loves me. And He wants me to be the very best version of me, the one that He created. And that doesn't include worrying about things beyond my control, but rather to trust in Him.

So today, no matter what happens, no matter what comes my way, I will stand firmly on Truth.

Standing anywhere else would be silly...


*For those of you who are not into Star Trek, this is a shameless Trekkie reference. I cannot even bring myself to be sorry for it. Live long and prosper.

learning to be a good receiver...

Confession: I am not a good receiver.

When it comes to giving, I have no problem there at all. I love the giving part, especially when I know that someone really needs, or would really love what I am giving them. Love that.

But turn the tables, and I start to feel all awkward and prickly. Last week my mom asked me to give her a list of things I would like for my birthday. I understand her request, we do live pretty much on opposite sides of the country, and she doesn't have the ability to just stop by and see what is going on in my life. But putting together a list of things that I would like for someone else just seems so very uncomfortable. Like asking for something.

That being said, I do have a friend who tells me that my inability or unwillingness to ask for help is not good, and while it is uncomfortable to hear, I know she is right. Somewhere along the way I have equated independence with the need to do everything on my own, or I shouldn't do it at all. For someone who is part of a faith community, I am beginning to see the dangers and pitfalls in such an attitude.

Then yesterday, Henri Nouwen joined in on the discussion, in his book, Bread For The Journey...

Daring To Become Dependent
—Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey, April 4

When someone give us a watch but we never wear it, that watch is not really received. When someone offers us an idea but we do not respond to it, that idea is not truly received. When someone introduces us to a friend but we ignore him or her, that friend does not feel well received.

Receiving is an art. It means allowing the other to become part of our lives. It means daring to become dependent on the other. It asks for the inner freedom to say, "Without you I wouldn't be who I am." Receiving with the heart is, therefore, a gesture of humility and love. So many people have been deeply hurt because their gifts were not well received. Let us be good receivers.

So, I am in the process of learning how to be a good receiver.

What about you?
Are you a good receiver, or do you need to work on it like me?

true

In the video I posted yesterday with poet Sarah Kay, she talks about having her students write out ten things that they know to be true.

I thought I would do the same.

Here are ten things that i know to be true
{in no particular order}...

1. The only geographical place in the world I have ever felt at home is Paris, France.
2. There is a special place in my heart that only comes alive when I hear my family laugh.
3. There is a God who loves me. {He loves you too.}
4. Creativity is not an endless well you can always draw from and never take time to replenish.
5. We are, every one of us, dichotomies in some way... and it is far easier to overlook one's own dichotomies than those of others.
6. It is naïve to think that one's own bad mood does not affect those surrounding you.
7. I too easily let the small things immobilize me.
8. Watching a pot really doesn't stop it from boiling—but wow—does it ever take a long time!
9. When the little voice in your head tells you to do—or not to do— something, you MUST always listen to that little voice.
10. Any day when you can wake up and walk past Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris in the same hour, will be a good day.
    

What do you know to be true?

faithful...

i made this slide for PORTICO's Connect.One.Five for this Sunday.

i had no idea how much i would need it today...

time

a couple weeks ago i mentioned a new book i was beginning.

back then, i had no idea what a can of worms this book would open up for me.

it all seemed simple enough. The Divine Hours is a book of prayers meant to be prayed at certain times throughout the day. morning {between 6 and 9 am}, mid-day {between 11 am and 2 pm}, vespers {between 5 and 8 pm} and compline {before retiring for the day}.

easy enough, right?

and for the most part it is. i enjoy getting up in the morning and beginning my day a bit more formally. not to mention, the compline prayers are truly a beautiful way to end the day.

the problem is what lies between these two.

at work, i set a reminder for myself at 10:55 am, so that five minutes before 11 am, i would be ready. this reminder goes off every day, monday to friday. for the first day or two, the whole process was new enough, that when it went off, i excitedly would go over to Kindle for Mac, to get ready.

the problem came on the third day.

at 10:55 am this morning, when the alarm went off, i felt a flash of annoyance. it was a crazy morning, and to be honest, i really didn't have time for anything else. so i reset the reminder to 12:30 pm, thinking that the extra hour and a half would get me to a better place.

not so much. i ended up postponing it so many times, i missed the window.

i wish i could say that this was the only day that it happened, but sadly, it is not.

the thing that has surprised me most about this exercise isn't a pretty look into my soul. the thing that has most taken me off guard is the fact that i see this reminder as an intrusion. somehow this reminder to pray, to converse with my God and Savior, has been demoted to an invasion of my time.

like i said, not a pretty look into my soul.

my time.

this has led me to think about all the ways that we talk about time.

we spend time.
waste it.
one can use time wisely.
or save time.

then it hit me. we use the same verbs to talk about time as we do when we talk about money. the Bible is pretty clear that our money is not our own, but rather a gift from God that we are stewards of.

much like our time on this earth.

somehow, even though i know that my life belongs to God, i have begun thinking that it really is mine, to spend and use however i want. but alas, it is not.

so i am grateful to this book, and the lesson it has already begun to teach me.

i am sure, however, that it won't be the last...

applause

righteousness is given
through faith in Jesus Christ
to all who believe. | romans 3:22

this past sunday we had our children's musical at PORTICO, and while kid's events are not where i generally get my entertainment, i have to say it was an enjoyable experience. everyone involved did a fantastic job.

my favorite part of the presentation, however, was one that no one actually planned for. at the beginning, after everyone had been welcomed and introductions had been done, just as the lights went down for the presentation to begin, something strange happened.

as the side stage door opened, and children started walking through the semi-darkness to their places, parents started applauding. then more parents, and pretty soon, everyone was applauding. these kids hadn't done a thing but show up and walk through a door. yet here they were, already being celebrated.

my naturally cynical bent initially chuckled at the craziness of it... applause simply for being there? but just as fast as my chuckle bubbled up, the words i had read from romans that morning exploded in my head. "righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe..."

all we have to do is believe.

we are not made right with God through our actions. through keeping a set of rules. by behaving in an acceptable manner. not even by going to church and reading the bible. all we have to do is believe.

all we have to do is show up.

and God applauds our showing up by making us righteous and whole and his.

how crazy and perfect is that?

repetition

when in the course of a week i hear about something once, unless it is spectacular, it rarely gets a second thought. having it mentioned twice gives it more credence. but coming upon the same previously unknown poem three times in the course of five days, all from different sources is definitely cause to start really paying attention.

it started with phil aud mentioning the poem while talking about his new eugene peterson book, tell it slant, while we were in indiana. on friday i ran across the same poem in a magazine. then, last night, i was looking at some online writing courses from seattle pacific university, and, there it was...the same poem in the margin of the page.

this is the poem, by emily dickinson:

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant -
Success in Curcuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
the Truth's superb suprise
As Lightening to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind -

i have never been one of those people who has a natural patience with people. if i understand something, then i expect that those around me should also have the same basic understanding. but i am coming to realize, and this poem is another step in this journey, that my patience level for those around me needs to grow exponentially if i am to be even the tiniest reflection of my God.

so, i am learning to tell it slant...to not jump right in and hit people hard with truth, but rather, ease others into truth, as Jesus did, using stories and infinite patience.