room to shine through...

listening: P.S. i love you soundtrack

i seem to have learned quite a few lessons recently. it's odd how that even as 'grown ups' (gosh, i hate putting myself in that category!) we still go through growth spurts. in all reality, i hope these spurts never actually end.

as usual, there is a theme running through all my lessons...and the theme is that i still don't have it all together. saturday night, during a worship service, my prayer was that all the pieces of me that tend to run in every different direction possible would unite to worship my God in that moment. right then, i was reminded of rilke's words, '...i yearn to belong to something, to be contained/in an all-embracing mind that sees me as a single thing/i yearn to be held/in the great hands of your heart..."

sunday, the feelings of incompleteness continued, my life feeling like just so many bulky, grey rocks with no cohesion. then tonight, it all came back again. only this time, with a different perspective. instead of lamenting the areas of my life that are incomplete, rather than wishing or hoping them into 'done-ness', i have actually become grateful that it is in and through these holes, these cracks, that God can shine, fill and use me extraordinarily... a stark contrast to my desired 'completeness', which could only ever hope to be ordinary.

for someone who so abhors the ordinary, i waste far too much time desiring it.