good intentions

when the weekend began, i had every intention to write. sadly, here it is, just after 8pm on sunday, and clearly, all the good intentions i had stored up did not produce so much as a sentence...until now. and the majority of this post will not be my words, but the words of someone else.

i don't seem to remember how it feels to not be tired. not the 'i didn't get enough sleep last night' kind of tired, but the bone-chilling, aching tired that seems to have become my constant companion. along with this tiredness, is the sinking feeling that i am simply a train wreck waiting to happen.

much of this, i know, is circumstantial, and once life returns back to some semblance of normalcy, much of the problem will right itself. but for tonight, i am left simply tired, and with little of any worth to say.

so, on that note, i will turn to walter brueggemann. a friend introduced me to his book, prayers for a priviledged people, and i have to say that it is fantastic.

there is one prayer that has struck me tonight, and here it is.
circled by mercy
(on reading 2 samuel 11)

we all know about being entitled
and then growing careless.

we all know about self-indulgence,
even amid work to be done.

we all know about being--for a moment--
beyond Torah requirement and
outside of your world of command.

we know about seasons of life not given over to us
and grief at being failed selves.

we also know that you circle back among us
in harshness and in mercy
in rigor and in generosity.

now our world has gone careless and
self-indulgent and
beyond Torah.

so, circle back, we pray--one more time,
among us with your mercy,
our only source of comfort,
for we belong to you in your faithfulness.
this is my prayer tonight... i belong to you in your faithfulness...


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