i am a shell full of dust...

walking away from tonight's small group, i am left feeling broken and very small... in a good way. in the way that recognizes that God is God and i am not.

even as we were driving away, the one thing that was on my mind was a prayer that i originally found in a chuck swindoll devotional about a million years ago. it is taken from a book of puritan prayers, and is what my heart is echoing tonight.

O LORD,
I am a shell full of dust,
animated with an invisible rational soul
and made anew by an unseen power of grace;

Yet I am no rare object of valuable price,
but one that has nothing and is nothing,
although chosen of thee from eternity,
given to Christ,and born again;

I am deeply convinced of the evil and misery of a sinful state,
of the vanity of creatures,
but also of the sufficiency of Christ.

When thou wouldst guide me I control myself,
When thou wouldst be sovereign I rule myself.

When thou wouldst take care of me I suffice myself.

When I should depend on thy providings I supply myself,
When I should submit to thy providence I follow my will,
When I should study, love, honour, trust thee, I serve myself;

I fault and correct thy laws to suit myself,
Instead of thee I look to man’s approbation,
and am by nature an idolater.

Lord, it is my chief design to bring my heart back to thee.

Convince me that I cannot be my own god,
or make myself happy, nor my own Christ to restore my joy,
nor my own Spirit to teach, guide, rule me...

Take away my roving eye, curious ear, greedy appetite, lustful heart;
Show me that none of these things
can heal a wounded conscience,
or support a tottering frame,
or uphold a departing spirit.

Then take me to the cross and leave me there.

This prayer is a modified version taken from: “The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions” by Arthur G. Bennett

it is this chorus that my mind will fall asleep to: take me to the cross and leave me there...