life

apparently, i am hard-headed. i should have believed one of my childhood nicknames, translated 'wooden head', actually meant something. but it seems that i really do take an unbelievably long time to 'get it'.

last night i had coffee with a friend i hadn't seen in almost a year. craziness, especially when you consider the fact that we don't live hopelessly far apart. his front door is about a two minute walk from mine, and most weeks i walk past his family's home at least three or four times.

and yet, we hadn't talked in ages.

the best reason i could think of for this madness was the most random and pathetic of all excuses: life. life got too busy. life was out of control.

life.

what is this generic life thing that has such power over me? who actually lives my life? who controls my schedule? my calendar? is it me or some random plan derailing force somewhere out there?

granted, we all have jobs and obligations we must fulfill and give proper place in our lives. but as busy as my job can be, i cannot blame it for a lack of time for the important things in life.

there are way too many moments in my life that get wasted. moments i spend looking at screens and monitors. moments of diversion that, unguarded and unaware, it is far too easy to simply let slip away.

and it's not like this is the first time i've had this revelation. we've been here before, but it seems that this wisdom didn't stick around in my head as long as i wished it would have. fortunately, i have today to relearn what has formerly been elusive.

today i will not be ruled by this vague life thing. i will deliberately live my life and already i can think of one friend who i will call tonight to simply catch up and hear her friendly voice, and another couple who i've been meaning to write a note to.

today, i'm living my life... not the other way around.