enough

i am grateful to my friend phil, who introduced to me to Solo, a new devotional book before he moved down south. during the time we worked together at PORTICO, phil actually introduced me to many books that have helped shape my life, but i am especially indebted to him for this one.

in this book, i was reading genesis 3, so close to the beginning of all things, when both adam and eve daily walked in the garden of eden with their Creator. but there was something lurking in the garden...

The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, "Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?"

"Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden," the woman replied. "It's only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, `You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.'"

"You won't die!" the serpent replied to the woman. "God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil."

The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the mans and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, "Where are you?"

He replied, "I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked." (Genesis 3:1-10)

the thing that hit me as i read this today was this, 'they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves'. as soon as their eyes were opened, they realized that they, themselves were not enough. they needed to make clothes, they needed to add to themselves be acceptable. so close to their creation, so close to their Creator, they suddenly realized that there was something wrong, and they were lacking. they needed to add things to cover their shame, to make themselves worthy.

i think that almost every stupid thing i have ever done has probably been because i don't feel like i am enough. that i need to be smarter, funnier, better dressed, more together, prettier, holier... whatever, before i can be accepted... before i am good enough... before i am enough.

so this morning, i feel a kinship with eve and adam that i have never felt before. having the advantage of a few thousand years on them, i do have some perspective that my friends lacked. i know the rest of the story that God alluded to as he evicted them from the garden of eden. i know that lifetimes later there would be a baby born who would save the world from their incessant quest to be enough. that this baby would grow into a man who would turn the world upside down with his teaching, and in his death, bridge the gap between mankind and their Creator.

i know this.

so for today, i won't try to be more anything. i will be faithful to my God who made sure that i would have everything i need to be complete in him.

because of Jesus, i am enough.