there are times in my life when i have so much discipline that i amaze myself... unfortunately these periods of amazement are usually swiftly followed by times when i am as undisciplined as a bowl of jello.

so much for consistency.

i own more than a few books on the topic of spiritual disciplines. were you to look at my bookshelf, and see the highlighted portions of these many books, you would probably assume that i was one of the most spiritually disciplined people you could ever hope to meet.

unfortunately, the opposite is true. i am drawn to books on the disciplines because i am so hopelessly undisciplined most of the time.

i am in a rut of undiscipline right now.

things were going good until about a week ago, when, for a stupid, emotional reason, i allowed myself to be derailed, and am now fighting to pick it all up again. being the queen of self-induced and irrational guilt, i constantly beat myself up about it... which, strangely enough, isn't very inspiring. you'd think i'd have figured that out by now.

the bottom line is that i want to be better. i want to love God better today than i did yesterday. i want to be a better designer and writer. a better daughter, sister, friend. and the only way that that happens, is if suzi is a more disciplined girl.

not that there is magic in the disciplines. there isn't. but they help to put me in a place where i can actually hear God speak in the midst of all the noise i cram into my life. and because of that, they are fully necessary.
But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. | Philippians 3:13,14


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